NFL Week 1 Interview - Kickoff Edition

Football is back! Hello, sports fans, and welcome to the first regular-season installment of Henry's weekly football blog. Our eleven-year-old sports analyst is here to discuss all the exciting and often surprising action in Week One of the NFL season.

Q. Since it's early in the year, we're going to begin with our customary game-by-game recap. How about your Raiders? Tough loss last night, but they gave San Diego everything they could handle. Were you surprised, after all the preseason shenanigans, that your team played so well?

That was great, but the only thing I've heard from analysts is about a "commitment to non-excellence" or something irritating like that.

Q. Philip Rivers -- like or dislike? I have to say, dude is starting to seriously bug me.

He cost my fantasy team -- and my favorite NFL team -- a victory!

Q. The Patriots/Bills game turned into an unexpected shootout. Based on this game, which of these teams is for real?

The Patriots are for real, but I doubt the Bills are. It's really demoralizing to allow two touchdowns in the last five minutes.

Q. Is Tom Brady back?

I'd say he is. Maybe he won't throw for 5000 yards, or 50 touchdowns, but he'll do a great job nonetheless.

Q. Dolphins/Falcons is always a controversial game in our household. What were the keys to the Falcons' victory?

That was a pretty bad game in general (I got stuck with Ronnie Brown on my fantasy team). But as for why the Falcons won, D-FENSE! D-FENSE! The Wildcat, along with the rest of Miami's offense, had no real effect.

Q. Baltimore and Kansas City punched and counterpunched, but in the end the Ravens rolled right over the Cheaps. Do you think the boring, ponderous Ravens have what it takes to make another boring, ponderous playoff run?

Unfortunately, it seems they do, but let's wait to judge them until after they play against the Chargers.

Q. Both Matt Ryan of the Falcons and Huge Joe Flacco of the Ravens had good opening games. Can these second-year QBs match their impressive rookie seasons?

I don't think so. After all, their rookie seasons were mainly impressive because they were both rookies.

Q. Eagles/Panthers. After a grim performance by Jake Delhomme and the loss of Donovan McNabb to injuries, both these teams are suddenly looking for starting quarterbacks. Where are they likely to find the answer?

Well, the answers have already been found: A.J. Feeley for Carolina (as a backup, not a starter; Josh McCown was injured) and Jeff Garcia for Philadelphia.

Q. Do you think Michael (woof) Vick will start for Philly in Week Three? Would you start him?

No, and no. You just signed a former starter who led you to the playoffs. Do you want to risk starting a former starter who was in jail for a whole season?? Or a young backup who has thrown no touchdowns and four picks in his career??

Q. I cringe even to type the name Brett Favre in discussing the Vikings' opener against the Browns. How (un)impressive was he in purple?

I didn't think he was particularly unimpressive. At least he didn't throw 26 interceptions.

Q. Colts/Jags was actually a game I didn't see. Anything worth mentioning in this matchup?

It was a nice game. It looks like Jacksonville will be a contender this season.

Q. Dallas did OK against the (how much does that corn cost?) Buccaneers. Are they better than expected, or are the Bucs worse?

No one really expected much of Byron who Left his sandWich on the counter, Escalade Williams, Derrick "Hospital" Ward and the Buccaneers. But they didn't do too badly. This was a great performance for the Cowboys, who don't seem to care about Terrell Owens leaving.

Q. It kills me to see the Lions lose and lose. When do you think they will finally pick up their first victory?

Well, they have a chance in Week 3 at home against Washington, but a slim one. If they lose there, and continue to lose, I'm confident they can beat St. Louis at Ford Field in Week 8. They also play against the Browns, who aren't too amazing.

Q. Can anyone stop the Saints and their videogame offense?

Eventually, Brees will be shut down by some elite defense (they do play against the Giants, and the Eagles are pretty good too).

Q. Jets/Texans: what did you think of Mark Sanchez in his first start?

As I'll elaborate on later, he did okay, but I think he'll get even better as the season progresses.

Q. The Texans are too boring to warrant a follow-up question. Agree?

This is a follow-up question!

Q. Talk about the spectacular final play of the Broncos/Bengals contest. Your thoughts?

Gus Johnson: "OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM!? STOKLEY!!!!"

Q. 49ers/Cardinals was another game I didn't see a second of. Were you surprised to see a Super Bowl team beat so handily?

Well, it's a little surprising, especially because it was the 49ers doing the winning.

Q. Do you think Michael Crabtree will ever sign with the Niners? What are your thoughts on his holdout?

He wasn't picked #7, he was picked #10. It's not that hard to realize, but he still hasn't figured it out.

Q. Rams/Seahawks wasn't even like a real game; however, I'd be interested in your thoughts on whether my beloved Seahawks will be any good this year.

Oh, I think they'll be much better than last year, even though Jim Mora is now their coach.

Q. What did you learn from the Redskins/Giants game? Any standout plays?

Osi Umenyiora came back from injury and had a great fumble return touchdown!

Q. Bears/Packers had a thrilling finish, and I have a new Player I Love to Hate in Jay and His Cutlery. What were your thoughts on his miserable, pouty performance?

It was really bad, but the Bears somehow stayed ahead until the end.

Q. How about Cal alum Aaron Rodgers for the Pack? He looked mighty impressive on that final drive. Is he the QB Green Bay fans have been waiting for?

Fantasy experts sure hope so. I think he'll do a great job, but he may not be the "next Bart Starr," as I've heard.

Q. And now a few general questions before we wrap up. Which of the eleven new coaches particularly impressed you on Opening Day?

Rex Ryan. The Jets defense held the Texans offense (ever heard of Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton?) to one total touchdown. One!

Q. How's your Fantasy Football team treating you?

Fine, I guess. I lost to the Fairport Losers 86-83; that was disappointing. Still, my opponent next week has to start Jake Delhomme. Woohoo!

Q. Any notable surprises or disappointments among this year's crop of rookies?

Mark Sanchez did a decent job, with 272 yards, one touchdown and one pick, but I believe he will actually have a better season than Matt Stafford, who was picked ahead of him. As for disappointments, Michael "I Should Have Been Picked Higher" Crabtree still hasn't signed with the Niners, and that's certainly bad, but San Francisco beat Super Bowl loser Arizona without him.

Q. And finally, here's the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.

...

"OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM?! STOKLEY!!!!"