Welcome Back! - Preseason Update #1

Hello again, sports fans! We hope you had a wonderful summer and are yearning, as we are, for some head-knocking, brain-busting football action. Our resident 11-year-old sports analyst is once again on the scene to give you his unique perspective on the upcoming NFL season.

Let's jump right in: What were the biggest offseason moves?

The signings of T.J. Houshmanzadeh, Laveranues Coles, Brian Dawkins, Brett Favre and others. Also, Jay Cutler's trade to the Bears completely changed what would have been the outcome of the season.

Which team do you think did best in the draft?

To tell the truth, I don't know too much about each team's draft picks, but the Lions gained three great rookies in Matthew Stafford, Brandon Pettigrew and Derreck Williams.

I see you are taking your maiden voyage into the land of Fantasy Football this season. I'm sure we have many readers out there who also participate. What made you want to get involved?

Well, I have a friend who has two fantasy football teams, so I decided it would be a good thing to try.

Tell us a little bit about your team, along with one or two strategy tips for the upcoming season.

I definitely did well at quarterback; I got Peyton Manning, Matt Ryan and Trent Edwards. I did okay at running back; I obtained Brian Westbrook, Ronnie Brown and Darren McFadden. Wide receiver is a weak spot; I have T.J. Houshmanzadeh, but my other four wideouts are Donnie Avery, Santana Moss, Antwaan Randle El and Kevin Curtis. Tight end is a strength; I have John Carlson and Dustin Keller. My kicker is standout Rob Bironas, and being a rookie, I drafted the Giants defense too early. At least I got them.

Now we're going to do something special. Henry's going to give you a one-sentence preview of each NFL team -- and the sentence must begin with the same letter as the name of the team. I defy any other analyst to do the same. Watch as Hen packs his inimitable brand of trenchant insight into one easily digestible nugget. Here we go!

BILLS

Breakout players on offense will not carry them past second in the division.

PATRIOTS

Promising team, but the running game is uneven.

DOLPHINS

David Lee instituted the wildcat as the quarterbacks coach last year, but will its previous success carry over?

JETS

Just as they got rid of Brett Favre, it seemed that they would be stuck with another mediocre quarterback in Kellen Clemens, but they traded up to get Mark Sanchez.

STEELERS

Super Bowl champs Pittsburgh have another chance to contend this year, thanks to their great defense.

RAVENS

Rex Ryan left, but analysts say that the defense will remain as good as it was last year (fantasy-wise, at least).

BROWNS

Brady Quinn will probably end up as the starter, and for good reason, because he outperformed Derek Anderson in preseason Week 3.

BENGALS

Bad play last season that caused them to fall to 0-8 may reappear in 2009.

RAIDERS

Ryan's brother Rob has left the Raiders for Cleveland, but hopefully their defense will still be able to make up for the ineffective offense.

BRONCOS

Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler have both been unhappy with the team lately, so they're not going to be better anytime soon.

CHIEFS

Coping with Kansas City's fall in the division is not an easy task for first-year coach Todd Haley and general manager Scott Pioli.

CHARGERS

Coach Norv Turner has the Chargers on the road to a good season.

COLTS

Count on the Colts to be good, but not as good they were in their Super Bowl season.

JAGUARS

Jack Del Rio has shifted the entire load of carries to Maurice Jones-Drew, and it's hard to decide if this is a good or a bad thing for him.

TEXANS

Texas yearns for the team's first playoff appearance.

TITANS

The Titans' rise last year will continue into this year, and I think if they don't slip up in the playoffs, they'll be able to contend for the Super Bowl.

EAGLES

Everyone has overanalyzed the signing of Michael Vick. Plus, you can't glean too much from how simple and average his performance was against Jacksonville in preseason Week 3.

GIANTS

Great performances last year caused me to inaccurately predict the Giants for the Super Bowl, and while I think they won't be as good as they were last year, they'll still be a contender.

REDSKINS

Returning even though the Redskins threatened to trade him in the offseason, Jason Campbell was a big part of the Redskins being insignificant last year.

COWBOYS

Can they ever come through in the playoffs -- or at least make them?

SEAHAWKS

Soon as Matt Hasselbeck starts looking good this season, he'll probably get injured again.

RAMS

Run away from the terrible team!

CARDINALS

Catching passes is not at all easy, but Larry Fitzgerald is sure making it look that way.

49ERS

42, the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything (including the playoffs) is something the 49ers could use right now.

PACKERS

Previously, Brett Favre was a Packer, but that seems so long ago now.

VIKINGS

Vanquish their opponents and they'll be headed for the playoffs.

BEARS

Before Jay Cutler was acquired, the Bears looked like they would have another terrible passing year; well, now they won't.

LIONS

Last year they went 0-16; can they be 16-0 (I doubt it)?

FALCONS

Formerly of the Chargers, Michael Turner is ready to make an impact.

BUCCANEERS

Byron Leftwich is the starter; look for the Buccaneers to have an average year.

SAINTS

Sean Payton is doing a great job as the head coach; everyone likes the Saints.

PANTHERS

Pointing out offensive problems is not an easy task.

[I should point out that Henry just recited that entire list of teams from memory.]

Okay, this is it: Go out on a limb right now and pick the two Super Bowl teams:

Although I was terrible last year, I'm going to pick the Patriots vs. the Giants.

We'll check in again next week. Now comes the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.

I picked the Steelers, Super Bowl champs, to be a bust last year!