Welcome back to the Unlucky Thirteen edition of our weekly recap. Henry's soccer team was busy winning the citywide Turkey Tournament this past weekend, so once again our football-watching was somewhat curtailed. No worries, though -- that just means you get yet another offbeat set of questions for our ten-year-old NFL analyst.
Q. Before we begin, a quick non-football question: Your team, the Sherman Oaks Guys, swept the Turkey Tournament, winning all five of its games -- and only one goal was scored on you Guys in the entire tournament! What were the keys to your team's astonishing playoff run?
Well, we didn't work too well as a team, but we were very friendly to each other and never treated each other badly. We had some very talented players.
Q. Now, on to football. As the regular season winds down, we're finally starting to see some teams eliminated from playoff contention -- five, to be exact. I want to briefly talk about each of these teams, starting with the ever-hapless Cincinnati Bengals. What were their primary problems this season?
They had the distraction of Chad Ocho Cinco, constant injuries (including the one to Carson Palmer)...everything went wrong.
Q. Do they have anything to build on for the future?
They have a lot of talent. But they need to use it to their advantage.
Q. Will Marvin Lewis be part of that future?
Maybe, maybe not. I honestly wouldn't be very satisfied, but the team was harmed by the things I mentioned before.
Q. On to the Kansas City Chiefs. Kind of a puzzle, this team. Do you think they're better than their 2-10 record would indicate?
I would say so. But they're a work in progress, with so much youth.
Q. And what of Tyler Thigpen -- is this kid any good?
Pretty good. He has nice mobility and passing in general, but he was thrown in and out of the starting role. And he's inconsistent.
Q. Ah, now we have to talk about the Lions. I always have a soft spot for this perennially crummy team, probably because of George Plimpton's Paper Lion, which in my opinion is the best sports book ever written. Is the end of the Matt Millen era the start of something good for the Lions?
Most likely. He was managing the team terribly and squandering talent and draft picks.
Q. What do they have to build on?
The aforementioned talent. Think of Calvin Johnson, or young running back Kevin Smith. They also have Rudi Johnson.
Q. Now, the St. Louis Rams. Hard to believe that just a few short years ago this team was called The Greatest Show on Turf. What's behind their precipitous fall?
They lost Marshall Faulk...They lost Dick Vermeil and Mike Martz...They lost Kurt Warner...
Q. Finally -- sigh -- we come to the Seattle Seahawks, a team that a lot of folks had picked to go to the Super Bowl this year. Guess they won't be paying off that $20 bet I made in Vegas earlier this yet. Was it just injuries that plagued the team this season?
Well, maybe Mike Holmgren didn't put effort into coaching his last year. Also, the team was just unable to do anything somehow. Maybe they shouldn't have gotten rid of Shaun Alexander so soon.
Q. I have to admit, I'm not that excited about the dawning of the Jim Mora era in Seattle. How about you?
Not exactly, but the team needs change anyway. They can't go any further down from where they are now.
Q. We'll cover the playoff contenders in a future edition of the Weird Blog, but I want to spend a moment talking about what to me is the surprise team of the year: The Arizona Cardinals. I always said this team would never get good until they scrapped their logo, but they seem to be doing well anyway. What's the secret of their success?
Anquan Boldin staying, the resurgence of Kurt Warner, a consistent running game (despite the benching of Edgerrin James). These were all critical.
Q. Final question, a two-parter: I think one of the big stories of this season has been the stellar performance of aging backups-turned-starters such as Kerry Collins and Kurt Warner. What made this the Year of the Grizzled Veteran QB?
More motivation. Being backups or being on losing teams was not appealing to Collins and Warner.
Q. And what does their success bode for their highly touted now-backups, Vince Young and Matt Leinart?
Those two are demoralized now, especially Young. They aren't that good, anyway.
Q. Thank you, Hen. Now comes the part where you get to type whatever you want.
Correction: Ed Reed did not tie Nathan Vasher and Devin Hester. His return could have been about a yard shorter.
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