New deal! We're taking a break from our usual game-by-game format to get a general Week 3 assessment from our resident 11-year-old football analyst.
Q. I want to run down the seven undefeated teams and get your take on which ones are for real. The questions are a) are they a good team or just lucky, and b) can they keep it up? (Don't just give one-word answers; your faithful readers are yearning for some of your inimitably colorful sportswriting.)
1) Jets
Good or lucky?
Oh, they're good. Three important wins have come already.
Can they keep it up?
Well, when the Patriots meet the Jets again later in the season, expect Bill Belichick to have prepared them well. Still, I think they'll make the playoffs if they play the way they have in these first weeks.
2) Ravens
Good or lucky?
Well, Baltimore is somewhere in between. Two of their wins have come against incredibly weak teams - Kansas City and Cleveland - but they did beat San Diego. So, in other words, they're good, but their 3-0 start could be a fluke.
Can they keep it up?
Perhaps, but I don't know about them beating the Steelers, Vikings and Patriots, who all are on their schedule. They'll probably make the playoffs, but they won't be undefeated for much longer.
3) Colts
Good or lucky?
Everyone knows the Colts have talent after these three weeks! I think their blowout of Arizona, who were coming off of an utter destruction of Jacksonville (who the Colts barely beat, oddly enough) proves that they aren't just lucky.
Can they keep it up?
Their schedule doesn't look too difficult, but they need to watch out for Houston.
4) Broncos
Good or lucky?
L-U-C-K LUCK LUCK LUCK! They looked good in two easy victories, but they needed a miracle to beat Cincinnati.
Can they keep it up?
I doubt it. Remember, they still have to play against San Diego twice.
5) Giants
Good or lucky?
They are a serious contender for the NFC East title.
Can they keep it up?
Well, the Cowboys have looked good too, and they will face off against them again later in the season. They also must try to beat Philadelphia twice and San Diego once.
6) Vikings
Good or lucky?
Lucky, of course. How often do you win on a Hail Mary pass?
Can they keep it up?
Don't think so. Hard division, and they play the whole AFC North.
7) Saints
Good or lucky?
They're pretty good. But remember, two of their wins have come against pretty bad teams: Detroit and Buffalo.
Can they keep it up?
They'll get many more wins this season. But expect a serious challenge when they battle the Jets next week.
Q. Conversely, we now have seven teams which have yet to win a game. I'd like to know a) are they truly bad or just unlucky, and b) do you think they can turn it around? (Again: no one-word answers.)
1) Dolphins
Bad or unlucky?
Fairly unlucky (they lost Chad Pennington for the season), and also pretty bad.
Can they turn it around?
It's getting worse and worse. There isn't much time left for Miami to turn things around.
2) Browns
Bad or unlucky?
Bad. When you bench a quarterback fans beg for you to start, you have to be pretty bad.
Can they turn it around?
Unlikely. They play the Steelers twice. Enough said.
3) Titans
Bad or unlucky?
Pretty unlucky. All three games of theirs have been lost by either one touchdown or one field goal.
Can they turn it around?
I think they can, but it won't be easy.
4) Chiefs
Bad or unlucky?
They're definitely bad. Unfortunately for me, a Raiders fan, it's considered to be pretty horrible to lose to Oakland.
Can they turn it around?
No. They need more time. Maybe next season.
5) Buccaneers
Bad or unlucky?
This question shouldn't even be asked when you're benching your starter for JOSH JOHNSON.
Can they turn it around?
I highly doubt it. Remember, they still must play every divisional opponent of theirs twice.
6) Rams
Bad or unlucky?
Bad, again. Personally, I think they're the worst team in the NFL. Something must be done about Marc Bulger.
Can they turn it around?
Not this year. But if the offseason goes well, and they get a good draft, who knows what might happen? More hope here than in Kansas City.
7) Panthers
Bad or unlucky?
Pretty bad. Jake Delhomme really needs to improve if they want to turn things around.
Can they turn it around?
Well, it won't be easy if they want to, because the quality of play they've been exhibiting will not help them through their games against Atlanta and New Orleans.
That's all for now, fans. Now comes the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Finally, a win for my fantasy team! 91-81. It's time to turn things around. I play the only winless team next week.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
NFL Week 2 Interview
Welcome back to Week 2 of the NFL season. Our 11-year-old football analyst is taking a break from Madden 10 to run down all the exciting action.
Q. Your fantasy team took a beating this week. What happened, and what moves do you plan to make to remedy this?
I'm trying to claim Mario Manningham off waivers! He had a great week.
Q. How big is was that Jets' victory over the Patriots? How much do you think Rex Ryan's trash-talk had to do with their win?
Well, the fans were all very enthusiastic, and that helped. But so were the players. Under Mangini, they couldn't win. Now they have under Rex Ryan.
Q. Sports Illustrated referred to my Falcons as "the quietest 2-0 team out there." Do you agree? What do you think their record will be after eight games?
They're not too quiet, I think the 49ers are more quiet... but the Falcons will be 5-3 after eight games.
Q. I felt bad for Aaron Rodgers -- the Pack really should've won that game against the Bengals, but they simply ran out of time. How would you assess this year's Packer team? Do they rank with the great Favre-led teams?
They're better than a lot of Favre-led teams, but they can't compare with the teams led by greats like Forrest Gregg, Bart Starr and Paul Hornung.
Q. Speaking of Fav-ray, he is having a singularly undistinguished season thus far. Is he doing anything right now that Tarvaris Jackson couldn't do?
Well, he's an experienced veteran who's won a Super Bowl and CAN help the team more than a young, inconsistent backup.
Q. Every year the Texans are a vogue-y pick to make the playoffs, and every year they disappoint. Could this be the season they finally make a run?
We'll have to wait and see. Against one great defense, they lost by seventeen. Against another, they scored in the thirties. What??
Q. The Cardinals finally looked a bit Super Bowlish this week, but the Steelers lost to Jay and His Cutlery. What do you think it means that both championship teams have a loss only two weeks into the season?
It means that the other teams are ready to challenge them. I don't see either team winning the Super Bowl this year.
Q. The Saints' offense is positively freakish. Who do you think will be the first team to stop them?
The Jets, in Week 4.
Q. Related note: Should Drew Brees Method have that birthmark removed?
I don't see why he should. It's not that bad.
Q. You must have been pleased to see your Raiders pick up a victory, even though JaMarcus is looking pretty lousy. Would you bench him, or stay the course?
Why would you bench a quarterback who's winning? (I need to bench him in Madden -- he threw so many picks that Champ Bailey set an NFL record for most picks by a single player in one game).
Q. I have no idea whether this year's Bills are any good. What do you think? Is Terrell Owens making any difference to this team?
Well, he's giving them an (in)consistent receiving option. He's definitely helping. They looked nice against the Buck-an-ears.
Q. I'm finding it harder to loathe the Ravens now that they finally have an offense, but Ray Lewis is still a criminal. Does it bother you when guys like him are held up as heroes?
Definitely not as much as it bothers you. He is a great player.
Q. Bwowns/Bwoncos was so bworing that ESPN didn't even bwother showing highlights. Are either of these teams going to be relevant this season?
They did show some highlights, just not good ones. Anyway, the Broncos are 2-0 (although one win was a fluke) so they will not be too relevant, but they'll be more relevant than Cwevewand.
Q. I love how the Giants spoiled the Cowboys' home opener in their vaunted superstadium. Have you joined me in liking Eli Bernstein and loathing America's Team?
Yes, I have the same feelings. I also somewhat dislike the Patriots.
Q. The Jaguars made a lot of noises this week about acquiring Tim Tebow. Is it too early for this team to be bailing on their season?
Who says they are? But assuming they are, they really shouldn't. They need to rebound from their loss to Arizona at home.
Q. Who's your favorite player now that Jerry Porter is (I think) out of the league?
I don't know...I like Derrick Burgess, but now he plays for the Patriots. I can't think of one.
Q. Finally, here's the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
1) The fantasy football game isn't a blowout anymore!
2) Expect to hear more than you'd ever want to about Michael Vick this week.
Q. Your fantasy team took a beating this week. What happened, and what moves do you plan to make to remedy this?
I'm trying to claim Mario Manningham off waivers! He had a great week.
Q. How big is was that Jets' victory over the Patriots? How much do you think Rex Ryan's trash-talk had to do with their win?
Well, the fans were all very enthusiastic, and that helped. But so were the players. Under Mangini, they couldn't win. Now they have under Rex Ryan.
Q. Sports Illustrated referred to my Falcons as "the quietest 2-0 team out there." Do you agree? What do you think their record will be after eight games?
They're not too quiet, I think the 49ers are more quiet... but the Falcons will be 5-3 after eight games.
Q. I felt bad for Aaron Rodgers -- the Pack really should've won that game against the Bengals, but they simply ran out of time. How would you assess this year's Packer team? Do they rank with the great Favre-led teams?
They're better than a lot of Favre-led teams, but they can't compare with the teams led by greats like Forrest Gregg, Bart Starr and Paul Hornung.
Q. Speaking of Fav-ray, he is having a singularly undistinguished season thus far. Is he doing anything right now that Tarvaris Jackson couldn't do?
Well, he's an experienced veteran who's won a Super Bowl and CAN help the team more than a young, inconsistent backup.
Q. Every year the Texans are a vogue-y pick to make the playoffs, and every year they disappoint. Could this be the season they finally make a run?
We'll have to wait and see. Against one great defense, they lost by seventeen. Against another, they scored in the thirties. What??
Q. The Cardinals finally looked a bit Super Bowlish this week, but the Steelers lost to Jay and His Cutlery. What do you think it means that both championship teams have a loss only two weeks into the season?
It means that the other teams are ready to challenge them. I don't see either team winning the Super Bowl this year.
Q. The Saints' offense is positively freakish. Who do you think will be the first team to stop them?
The Jets, in Week 4.
Q. Related note: Should Drew Brees Method have that birthmark removed?
I don't see why he should. It's not that bad.
Q. You must have been pleased to see your Raiders pick up a victory, even though JaMarcus is looking pretty lousy. Would you bench him, or stay the course?
Why would you bench a quarterback who's winning? (I need to bench him in Madden -- he threw so many picks that Champ Bailey set an NFL record for most picks by a single player in one game).
Q. I have no idea whether this year's Bills are any good. What do you think? Is Terrell Owens making any difference to this team?
Well, he's giving them an (in)consistent receiving option. He's definitely helping. They looked nice against the Buck-an-ears.
Q. I'm finding it harder to loathe the Ravens now that they finally have an offense, but Ray Lewis is still a criminal. Does it bother you when guys like him are held up as heroes?
Definitely not as much as it bothers you. He is a great player.
Q. Bwowns/Bwoncos was so bworing that ESPN didn't even bwother showing highlights. Are either of these teams going to be relevant this season?
They did show some highlights, just not good ones. Anyway, the Broncos are 2-0 (although one win was a fluke) so they will not be too relevant, but they'll be more relevant than Cwevewand.
Q. I love how the Giants spoiled the Cowboys' home opener in their vaunted superstadium. Have you joined me in liking Eli Bernstein and loathing America's Team?
Yes, I have the same feelings. I also somewhat dislike the Patriots.
Q. The Jaguars made a lot of noises this week about acquiring Tim Tebow. Is it too early for this team to be bailing on their season?
Who says they are? But assuming they are, they really shouldn't. They need to rebound from their loss to Arizona at home.
Q. Who's your favorite player now that Jerry Porter is (I think) out of the league?
I don't know...I like Derrick Burgess, but now he plays for the Patriots. I can't think of one.
Q. Finally, here's the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
1) The fantasy football game isn't a blowout anymore!
2) Expect to hear more than you'd ever want to about Michael Vick this week.
Monday, September 14, 2009
NFL Week 1 Interview - Kickoff Edition
Football is back! Hello, sports fans, and welcome to the first regular-season installment of Henry's weekly football blog. Our eleven-year-old sports analyst is here to discuss all the exciting and often surprising action in Week One of the NFL season.
Q. Since it's early in the year, we're going to begin with our customary game-by-game recap. How about your Raiders? Tough loss last night, but they gave San Diego everything they could handle. Were you surprised, after all the preseason shenanigans, that your team played so well?
That was great, but the only thing I've heard from analysts is about a "commitment to non-excellence" or something irritating like that.
Q. Philip Rivers -- like or dislike? I have to say, dude is starting to seriously bug me.
He cost my fantasy team -- and my favorite NFL team -- a victory!
Q. The Patriots/Bills game turned into an unexpected shootout. Based on this game, which of these teams is for real?
The Patriots are for real, but I doubt the Bills are. It's really demoralizing to allow two touchdowns in the last five minutes.
Q. Is Tom Brady back?
I'd say he is. Maybe he won't throw for 5000 yards, or 50 touchdowns, but he'll do a great job nonetheless.
Q. Dolphins/Falcons is always a controversial game in our household. What were the keys to the Falcons' victory?
That was a pretty bad game in general (I got stuck with Ronnie Brown on my fantasy team). But as for why the Falcons won, D-FENSE! D-FENSE! The Wildcat, along with the rest of Miami's offense, had no real effect.
Q. Baltimore and Kansas City punched and counterpunched, but in the end the Ravens rolled right over the Cheaps. Do you think the boring, ponderous Ravens have what it takes to make another boring, ponderous playoff run?
Unfortunately, it seems they do, but let's wait to judge them until after they play against the Chargers.
Q. Both Matt Ryan of the Falcons and Huge Joe Flacco of the Ravens had good opening games. Can these second-year QBs match their impressive rookie seasons?
I don't think so. After all, their rookie seasons were mainly impressive because they were both rookies.
Q. Eagles/Panthers. After a grim performance by Jake Delhomme and the loss of Donovan McNabb to injuries, both these teams are suddenly looking for starting quarterbacks. Where are they likely to find the answer?
Well, the answers have already been found: A.J. Feeley for Carolina (as a backup, not a starter; Josh McCown was injured) and Jeff Garcia for Philadelphia.
Q. Do you think Michael (woof) Vick will start for Philly in Week Three? Would you start him?
No, and no. You just signed a former starter who led you to the playoffs. Do you want to risk starting a former starter who was in jail for a whole season?? Or a young backup who has thrown no touchdowns and four picks in his career??
Q. I cringe even to type the name Brett Favre in discussing the Vikings' opener against the Browns. How (un)impressive was he in purple?
I didn't think he was particularly unimpressive. At least he didn't throw 26 interceptions.
Q. Colts/Jags was actually a game I didn't see. Anything worth mentioning in this matchup?
It was a nice game. It looks like Jacksonville will be a contender this season.
Q. Dallas did OK against the (how much does that corn cost?) Buccaneers. Are they better than expected, or are the Bucs worse?
No one really expected much of Byron who Left his sandWich on the counter, Escalade Williams, Derrick "Hospital" Ward and the Buccaneers. But they didn't do too badly. This was a great performance for the Cowboys, who don't seem to care about Terrell Owens leaving.
Q. It kills me to see the Lions lose and lose. When do you think they will finally pick up their first victory?
Well, they have a chance in Week 3 at home against Washington, but a slim one. If they lose there, and continue to lose, I'm confident they can beat St. Louis at Ford Field in Week 8. They also play against the Browns, who aren't too amazing.
Q. Can anyone stop the Saints and their videogame offense?
Eventually, Brees will be shut down by some elite defense (they do play against the Giants, and the Eagles are pretty good too).
Q. Jets/Texans: what did you think of Mark Sanchez in his first start?
As I'll elaborate on later, he did okay, but I think he'll get even better as the season progresses.
Q. The Texans are too boring to warrant a follow-up question. Agree?
This is a follow-up question!
Q. Talk about the spectacular final play of the Broncos/Bengals contest. Your thoughts?
Gus Johnson: "OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM!? STOKLEY!!!!"
Q. 49ers/Cardinals was another game I didn't see a second of. Were you surprised to see a Super Bowl team beat so handily?
Well, it's a little surprising, especially because it was the 49ers doing the winning.
Q. Do you think Michael Crabtree will ever sign with the Niners? What are your thoughts on his holdout?
He wasn't picked #7, he was picked #10. It's not that hard to realize, but he still hasn't figured it out.
Q. Rams/Seahawks wasn't even like a real game; however, I'd be interested in your thoughts on whether my beloved Seahawks will be any good this year.
Oh, I think they'll be much better than last year, even though Jim Mora is now their coach.
Q. What did you learn from the Redskins/Giants game? Any standout plays?
Osi Umenyiora came back from injury and had a great fumble return touchdown!
Q. Bears/Packers had a thrilling finish, and I have a new Player I Love to Hate in Jay and His Cutlery. What were your thoughts on his miserable, pouty performance?
It was really bad, but the Bears somehow stayed ahead until the end.
Q. How about Cal alum Aaron Rodgers for the Pack? He looked mighty impressive on that final drive. Is he the QB Green Bay fans have been waiting for?
Fantasy experts sure hope so. I think he'll do a great job, but he may not be the "next Bart Starr," as I've heard.
Q. And now a few general questions before we wrap up. Which of the eleven new coaches particularly impressed you on Opening Day?
Rex Ryan. The Jets defense held the Texans offense (ever heard of Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton?) to one total touchdown. One!
Q. How's your Fantasy Football team treating you?
Fine, I guess. I lost to the Fairport Losers 86-83; that was disappointing. Still, my opponent next week has to start Jake Delhomme. Woohoo!
Q. Any notable surprises or disappointments among this year's crop of rookies?
Mark Sanchez did a decent job, with 272 yards, one touchdown and one pick, but I believe he will actually have a better season than Matt Stafford, who was picked ahead of him. As for disappointments, Michael "I Should Have Been Picked Higher" Crabtree still hasn't signed with the Niners, and that's certainly bad, but San Francisco beat Super Bowl loser Arizona without him.
Q. And finally, here's the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
...
"OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM?! STOKLEY!!!!"
Q. Since it's early in the year, we're going to begin with our customary game-by-game recap. How about your Raiders? Tough loss last night, but they gave San Diego everything they could handle. Were you surprised, after all the preseason shenanigans, that your team played so well?
That was great, but the only thing I've heard from analysts is about a "commitment to non-excellence" or something irritating like that.
Q. Philip Rivers -- like or dislike? I have to say, dude is starting to seriously bug me.
He cost my fantasy team -- and my favorite NFL team -- a victory!
Q. The Patriots/Bills game turned into an unexpected shootout. Based on this game, which of these teams is for real?
The Patriots are for real, but I doubt the Bills are. It's really demoralizing to allow two touchdowns in the last five minutes.
Q. Is Tom Brady back?
I'd say he is. Maybe he won't throw for 5000 yards, or 50 touchdowns, but he'll do a great job nonetheless.
Q. Dolphins/Falcons is always a controversial game in our household. What were the keys to the Falcons' victory?
That was a pretty bad game in general (I got stuck with Ronnie Brown on my fantasy team). But as for why the Falcons won, D-FENSE! D-FENSE! The Wildcat, along with the rest of Miami's offense, had no real effect.
Q. Baltimore and Kansas City punched and counterpunched, but in the end the Ravens rolled right over the Cheaps. Do you think the boring, ponderous Ravens have what it takes to make another boring, ponderous playoff run?
Unfortunately, it seems they do, but let's wait to judge them until after they play against the Chargers.
Q. Both Matt Ryan of the Falcons and Huge Joe Flacco of the Ravens had good opening games. Can these second-year QBs match their impressive rookie seasons?
I don't think so. After all, their rookie seasons were mainly impressive because they were both rookies.
Q. Eagles/Panthers. After a grim performance by Jake Delhomme and the loss of Donovan McNabb to injuries, both these teams are suddenly looking for starting quarterbacks. Where are they likely to find the answer?
Well, the answers have already been found: A.J. Feeley for Carolina (as a backup, not a starter; Josh McCown was injured) and Jeff Garcia for Philadelphia.
Q. Do you think Michael (woof) Vick will start for Philly in Week Three? Would you start him?
No, and no. You just signed a former starter who led you to the playoffs. Do you want to risk starting a former starter who was in jail for a whole season?? Or a young backup who has thrown no touchdowns and four picks in his career??
Q. I cringe even to type the name Brett Favre in discussing the Vikings' opener against the Browns. How (un)impressive was he in purple?
I didn't think he was particularly unimpressive. At least he didn't throw 26 interceptions.
Q. Colts/Jags was actually a game I didn't see. Anything worth mentioning in this matchup?
It was a nice game. It looks like Jacksonville will be a contender this season.
Q. Dallas did OK against the (how much does that corn cost?) Buccaneers. Are they better than expected, or are the Bucs worse?
No one really expected much of Byron who Left his sandWich on the counter, Escalade Williams, Derrick "Hospital" Ward and the Buccaneers. But they didn't do too badly. This was a great performance for the Cowboys, who don't seem to care about Terrell Owens leaving.
Q. It kills me to see the Lions lose and lose. When do you think they will finally pick up their first victory?
Well, they have a chance in Week 3 at home against Washington, but a slim one. If they lose there, and continue to lose, I'm confident they can beat St. Louis at Ford Field in Week 8. They also play against the Browns, who aren't too amazing.
Q. Can anyone stop the Saints and their videogame offense?
Eventually, Brees will be shut down by some elite defense (they do play against the Giants, and the Eagles are pretty good too).
Q. Jets/Texans: what did you think of Mark Sanchez in his first start?
As I'll elaborate on later, he did okay, but I think he'll get even better as the season progresses.
Q. The Texans are too boring to warrant a follow-up question. Agree?
This is a follow-up question!
Q. Talk about the spectacular final play of the Broncos/Bengals contest. Your thoughts?
Gus Johnson: "OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM!? STOKLEY!!!!"
Q. 49ers/Cardinals was another game I didn't see a second of. Were you surprised to see a Super Bowl team beat so handily?
Well, it's a little surprising, especially because it was the 49ers doing the winning.
Q. Do you think Michael Crabtree will ever sign with the Niners? What are your thoughts on his holdout?
He wasn't picked #7, he was picked #10. It's not that hard to realize, but he still hasn't figured it out.
Q. Rams/Seahawks wasn't even like a real game; however, I'd be interested in your thoughts on whether my beloved Seahawks will be any good this year.
Oh, I think they'll be much better than last year, even though Jim Mora is now their coach.
Q. What did you learn from the Redskins/Giants game? Any standout plays?
Osi Umenyiora came back from injury and had a great fumble return touchdown!
Q. Bears/Packers had a thrilling finish, and I have a new Player I Love to Hate in Jay and His Cutlery. What were your thoughts on his miserable, pouty performance?
It was really bad, but the Bears somehow stayed ahead until the end.
Q. How about Cal alum Aaron Rodgers for the Pack? He looked mighty impressive on that final drive. Is he the QB Green Bay fans have been waiting for?
Fantasy experts sure hope so. I think he'll do a great job, but he may not be the "next Bart Starr," as I've heard.
Q. And now a few general questions before we wrap up. Which of the eleven new coaches particularly impressed you on Opening Day?
Rex Ryan. The Jets defense held the Texans offense (ever heard of Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton?) to one total touchdown. One!
Q. How's your Fantasy Football team treating you?
Fine, I guess. I lost to the Fairport Losers 86-83; that was disappointing. Still, my opponent next week has to start Jake Delhomme. Woohoo!
Q. Any notable surprises or disappointments among this year's crop of rookies?
Mark Sanchez did a decent job, with 272 yards, one touchdown and one pick, but I believe he will actually have a better season than Matt Stafford, who was picked ahead of him. As for disappointments, Michael "I Should Have Been Picked Higher" Crabtree still hasn't signed with the Niners, and that's certainly bad, but San Francisco beat Super Bowl loser Arizona without him.
Q. And finally, here's the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
...
"OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM?! STOKLEY!!!!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
