Well! Lots to talk about in this, your Merry Pre-Christmas edition of the Internet's finest NFL blog. Our 11-year-old sports analyst is standing by to comment on all the week's action.
Q. We have to start with your triumph in Yahoo Fantasy league football. After opening the season 3-5, your team Hypnotic won six of their last seven games to storm into the playoffs and now the league championship. How do you feel?
Excited, but worried about the upcoming championship.
Q. What was the greatest factor in your team's success?
Tom Brady's failure when it mattered most. 7.16 points?
Q. Who are the bedrock players that, week in and week out, made the greatest contribution?
In order:
1. Peyton Manning
2. Brandon Marshall
3. Miles Austin
Q. Who were your best late-season pickups?
Josh Cribbs, Jamaal Charles and Garrett Hartley.
Q. You have an uncanny ability to make last-minute adjustments that pay big dividends. For example, picking up Brandon Marshall shortly before his record-setting 21-catch game last week, or adding Josh Cribbs ten minutes before game time on a day when he returned two kickoffs for touchdowns. Are you psychic? Where does this skill come from?
Well, I actually picked up Marshall before Week 1. But this skill comes mostly from reading the Add/Drop section of WalterFootball.com. I'm just pretty lucky.
Q. What's the worst decision you made along the way?
When I first dropped Miles Austin.
Q. What have you learned from this year that will enable you to be even more dominant next year?
Get a better draft, and those late-season pickups may not be necessary.
Q. Your team climbed up from the cellar and is now challenging Wrecking Crew, the team with the best record through the regular season, for the league crown. How do you like your chances to Win It All?
Well, I'm honestly a little pessimistic. If Adrian Peterson is shut down by Chicago, I think I'll win.
Q. Okay, on to the actual NFL. You and I have talked a lot about the logjam of 7-7 AFC teams currently angling for a playoff spot. Who's most likely to break through?
Pittsburgh, but I doubt they will anyway.
Q. The Saints finally dropped a game, putting an end to their dream of an undefeated season. Do you think this harms or improves their chances of winning the Super Bowl?
I don't think it'll affect them, other than demoralizing them a little. They're still the same team.
Q. What about the Colts? Do you see them resting the starters down the stretch, risking a loss that would blemish that perfect record?
Unfortunately for Hypnotic, I think they probably will.
Q. This past week Michael Irvin created quite a stir by claiming that he would trade all his Super Bowl rings for an undefeated season. What are your thoughts on this comment?
Ridiculous. Are you serious? Why in the world would you do that?
Q. Spotlight on the Seattle Seahogs. What a pathetic mess of a team. I was actually pleased to see them pass on rehiring Mike Holmgren; now I'd like to see them show Jim Moron the door as well. What do you think this team needs to do to once again become competitive?
Get a real running back, a quarterback of the future, and some real wide receivers. Nate Burleson? T.J. Houshmandzadeh? Deion Branch? Come on.
Q. A wild and woolly game gave the Raiders a victory over the slumping Broncos. Did JaMarcus Russell salvage his career with that final drive, or is his still this year's Ryan Leaf?
Well, he certainly helped his cause, but he still needs to be like that for a whole season to avoid the "bust" tag.
Q. Speaking of slumps, the Vikings are now looking extremely beatable. Is Favrvrvrvre tiring as the season wears on, or are their other factors?
It's the whole team. They shouldn't even have to rely on Favre. Favre shouldn't even be on the team in the first place.
Q. What'd you think of Favrvrvrvrvrvrvrvre overruling Brad Childress to stay in the game? Does this player outrank his own coach?
No, apparently it was just about control over the offensive playcalls. Still, I can't imagine Matt Stafford arguing about that sort of thing.
Q. We rarely discuss things like this, but what are your thoughts on the tragic death of the Bengals' Chris Henry?
It's pretty sad. He was just starting to peak in the NFL, too. And he was learning from his mistakes.
Q. Quick Cleveland Browns question: Has Brady Quinn earned a permanent spot as their starter? He seems to perform best in impressive losses.
He didn't lose. Anyway, he seems to have done so, but for now, he's on IR.
Q. How about Alex Smith of the Niners? Does he keep his job?
He's good, and I think he will, but let's see who starts next season.
Q. Despite their heartbreaking last-second loss to the Snorthlisbergers, I still like the Packers to go far in the playoffs. You?
Yeah, me too. Their offense is really good.
Q. I think the Chargers are sort of sneaking up on people because their season started so poorly. Is this team a Super Bowl threat?
I think that they couldn't make it past the Colts if they had to, so no.
Q. Now for a few random questions. Your thoughts on Monday Night announcer Jon Gruden?
He's going left to right on my radio, and he's the heart and soul of this football team.
Q. I think you know that my favorite sports quotes include "I couldn't care less about the team struggling" (J. Namath) and "Do you know where Charlotte, North Carolina is now, baby?" (L. Lathon). What are yours?
Well, those are good, but I like "Playoffs??" (Mora Sr.) and "We talking bout practice!" (Iverson).
Q. Now comes the part where Hen -- best of luck next week, buddy! -- gets to type whatever he wants.
Weirdly enough, Crazy-Jay's Steelers defense got -3 points.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
NFL Week 14 Interview - Fantasy Playoff Edition
We have just turned off the Cardinals-Niners contest, which has to be the most excruciatingly slow football game in recent memory. Seriously, these teams took over an hour just to play the first quarter. I'm sure even if it takes 'til our eleven-year-old football analyst's bedtime to finish this post, the teams will still be slogging their way through yet another booth review of an obvious Larry Fitzgerald reception.
Q. Well! Lots of extracurricular stuff to start with. Talk about how your fantasy team, Hypnotic, managed to roar into the playoffs with an absolutely spectacular showing this week.
Yep. About seventy points from Marshall, Manning and the Titans combined.
Q. This past weekend you visited the Fox Sports complex in Century City and got a glimpse behind the scenes at Fox NFL Sunday. Share some of your impressions of the day.
Well, it seemed like everyone else was a regular, and we were new. It was nice to learn how pregame shows are filmed.
Q. What did you think of Michael Strahan?
He was rather nice, and the only one of the pregame show people who felt like interacting with us.
Q. Would you like a 12-monitor setup with infrared headsets like they had in the Avocado Room?
I have to admit, flipping through audio inputs on a headset was cool.
Q. Let's take stock of the season thus far. Improbably, there are still two undefeated teams, the Colts and the Saints. Who's stronger?
The Saints. They had to make fewer comebacks earlier in the season, and they have better running backs.
Q. Which is more likely to go undefeated throughout the regular season?
Probably the Saints. December-Cowboys, Bucs and Panthers as opponents. The Colts have the Jags, Counterfeit Bills and the J-E-T-S.
Q. Why? Are they simply going to ease up down the stretch, resting the starters, or are they an unstoppable force?
Even if the Saints rest their starters, they have easier matchups. I think the Colts could probably go undefeated as well, but maybe not if Curtis Painter starts at QB. For Hypnotic's sake, let's hope he doesn't.
Q. Talk about how the Patriots behave in times of adversity. (Bad Citizen Randy Moss is a quitter, hint hint.)
They may have won, and that's mainly what matters, but they sure played a bad game.
Q. Which team with an unimpressive record is most likely to dust themselves off and make a startling playoff run?
None of them. Seriously. If I had to choose a 7-6 team, I would say Baltimore because their schedule is easiest. They just have to beat the Hypocycloids (Steelers) on the twenty-seventh.
Q. As we go team by team, I'd like to start with the Falcons, who looked mighty impressive in a near-upset of the Saints. Has Chris Redman proven himself a viable starter?
Yeah, but as long as Matt Ryan is in Fatlanta, he'll be a backup. Maybe he'll start in St. Louis next year if they draft Suh.
Q. Philly has a lot of offensive firepower, even if Michael Pick is little more than a footnote. Are the Egos one of those Teams to Watch Out For?
I suppose, although it might be difficult to succeed in the playoffs. I predict a loss in the divisional round.
Q. Dallas is collapsing right on schedule. What is the deal with this team and December?
I really don't know. Overconfidence? Wade Phillips said he had a team of winners a week ago. For his sake, hopefully he'll still be in charge of his team of losers next year.
Q. Tennessee beat up on those wascally Wams, but even a 47-7 victory didn't tell me much about this schizophrenic franchise. What's your tite on the Takans?
Well, if they had overcome the Colts, they could be in the playoff race. There's always next year. Kerry Collins could be a Ram too...Adam Schefter thinks Vick could be the starter next year.
Q. Let's talk for a moment about pouty, petulant Jay and His Cutlery. I haven't enjoyed watching a quarterback lose this much since John Elway. What happened to this guy? Was he overrated in Denver, or is he underrated in Chicago?
Neither. He was pretty good in Denver, now he's not great in Chicago.
Q. I'd be surprised if more than five people were interested in the outcome of Buffalo/Kansas City. Do you think the Bills will nab the Ratcoach, or will Shanahan scamper off to nibble at some other team's cheese plate?
Well, the Cowboys' ricotta could be more appetizing, or even the Redskins' if either of those coaches were fired.
Q. I was deeply disappointed to see the Farvrvrve machine roll over the Bengals, 'cause Cincinnati is one of those teams I'd like to see go the distance. Does this loss put a dent in their postseason aspirations?
Only if other AFC teams are smart enough to look at that game tape.
Q. Who is the world is going to start at QB for the Raiders with Bruce Graduate-of-Kowski injured? Dare they allow JaMarcus Fumble to take the field?
They don't have a choice.
Q. What was your take on the Heisman Trophy? Did Ingram deserve it, or would you have gone with a boy named Suh?
I honestly hoped Suh would win. I like that guy.
Q. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this season of Friday Night Lights.
Well, it's okay. Some of the storylines are mind-numbingly boring. I could use more football.
Q. Speed game! Write the first phrase that comes to mind when I mention the following miserable franchises:
Bills ....................Former coach Jauron
Steelers .................Roethlisberger
Browns ...................Flash formation
Jaguars ..................Garrard
Texans ...................2002
Redskins .................Campbell's Soup
Lions ....................Browns-Lions
Panthers ................."Daylight coming, you gotta Delhomme"
Bucs .....................Corn on the cob
Seahawks .................Hassle them back
Q. Now comes the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Even though I predicted that the Ravens would get the sixth seed, I still want them to lose to the Raiders in Week 17.
Q. Well! Lots of extracurricular stuff to start with. Talk about how your fantasy team, Hypnotic, managed to roar into the playoffs with an absolutely spectacular showing this week.
Yep. About seventy points from Marshall, Manning and the Titans combined.
Q. This past weekend you visited the Fox Sports complex in Century City and got a glimpse behind the scenes at Fox NFL Sunday. Share some of your impressions of the day.
Well, it seemed like everyone else was a regular, and we were new. It was nice to learn how pregame shows are filmed.
Q. What did you think of Michael Strahan?
He was rather nice, and the only one of the pregame show people who felt like interacting with us.
Q. Would you like a 12-monitor setup with infrared headsets like they had in the Avocado Room?
I have to admit, flipping through audio inputs on a headset was cool.
Q. Let's take stock of the season thus far. Improbably, there are still two undefeated teams, the Colts and the Saints. Who's stronger?
The Saints. They had to make fewer comebacks earlier in the season, and they have better running backs.
Q. Which is more likely to go undefeated throughout the regular season?
Probably the Saints. December-Cowboys, Bucs and Panthers as opponents. The Colts have the Jags, Counterfeit Bills and the J-E-T-S.
Q. Why? Are they simply going to ease up down the stretch, resting the starters, or are they an unstoppable force?
Even if the Saints rest their starters, they have easier matchups. I think the Colts could probably go undefeated as well, but maybe not if Curtis Painter starts at QB. For Hypnotic's sake, let's hope he doesn't.
Q. Talk about how the Patriots behave in times of adversity. (Bad Citizen Randy Moss is a quitter, hint hint.)
They may have won, and that's mainly what matters, but they sure played a bad game.
Q. Which team with an unimpressive record is most likely to dust themselves off and make a startling playoff run?
None of them. Seriously. If I had to choose a 7-6 team, I would say Baltimore because their schedule is easiest. They just have to beat the Hypocycloids (Steelers) on the twenty-seventh.
Q. As we go team by team, I'd like to start with the Falcons, who looked mighty impressive in a near-upset of the Saints. Has Chris Redman proven himself a viable starter?
Yeah, but as long as Matt Ryan is in Fatlanta, he'll be a backup. Maybe he'll start in St. Louis next year if they draft Suh.
Q. Philly has a lot of offensive firepower, even if Michael Pick is little more than a footnote. Are the Egos one of those Teams to Watch Out For?
I suppose, although it might be difficult to succeed in the playoffs. I predict a loss in the divisional round.
Q. Dallas is collapsing right on schedule. What is the deal with this team and December?
I really don't know. Overconfidence? Wade Phillips said he had a team of winners a week ago. For his sake, hopefully he'll still be in charge of his team of losers next year.
Q. Tennessee beat up on those wascally Wams, but even a 47-7 victory didn't tell me much about this schizophrenic franchise. What's your tite on the Takans?
Well, if they had overcome the Colts, they could be in the playoff race. There's always next year. Kerry Collins could be a Ram too...Adam Schefter thinks Vick could be the starter next year.
Q. Let's talk for a moment about pouty, petulant Jay and His Cutlery. I haven't enjoyed watching a quarterback lose this much since John Elway. What happened to this guy? Was he overrated in Denver, or is he underrated in Chicago?
Neither. He was pretty good in Denver, now he's not great in Chicago.
Q. I'd be surprised if more than five people were interested in the outcome of Buffalo/Kansas City. Do you think the Bills will nab the Ratcoach, or will Shanahan scamper off to nibble at some other team's cheese plate?
Well, the Cowboys' ricotta could be more appetizing, or even the Redskins' if either of those coaches were fired.
Q. I was deeply disappointed to see the Farvrvrve machine roll over the Bengals, 'cause Cincinnati is one of those teams I'd like to see go the distance. Does this loss put a dent in their postseason aspirations?
Only if other AFC teams are smart enough to look at that game tape.
Q. Who is the world is going to start at QB for the Raiders with Bruce Graduate-of-Kowski injured? Dare they allow JaMarcus Fumble to take the field?
They don't have a choice.
Q. What was your take on the Heisman Trophy? Did Ingram deserve it, or would you have gone with a boy named Suh?
I honestly hoped Suh would win. I like that guy.
Q. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this season of Friday Night Lights.
Well, it's okay. Some of the storylines are mind-numbingly boring. I could use more football.
Q. Speed game! Write the first phrase that comes to mind when I mention the following miserable franchises:
Bills ....................Former coach Jauron
Steelers .................Roethlisberger
Browns ...................Flash formation
Jaguars ..................Garrard
Texans ...................2002
Redskins .................Campbell's Soup
Lions ....................Browns-Lions
Panthers ................."Daylight coming, you gotta Delhomme"
Bucs .....................Corn on the cob
Seahawks .................Hassle them back
Q. Now comes the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Even though I predicted that the Ravens would get the sixth seed, I still want them to lose to the Raiders in Week 17.
Monday, November 30, 2009
NFL Week 12 Interview - Fantasy Nailbiter Edition
As we type these words, Henry's team Hypnotic is clinging to a ten-point lead over Crazy-Jay in the fourth quarter of the Monday night game -- but CJ has both Tom Brady and Wes Welker, while Hypnotic is only carrying Saints kicker John Carney. Let's hope for a second half featuring lots of long, grueling Saints drives capped by field goals....
Well, we skipped a week again, but all that does is give us more to discuss with our resident 11-year-old football analyst. Let's get to it!
Q. Couple quick questions about college football as the season draws to a close. What was your favorite game from Rivalry Weekend and why?
Cal-Stanford, from last week, because Cal won in a dramatic finish.
Q. I'd like to get your thoughts on the grisly end of the USC-UCLA contest. Do you think Pete Carroll was a bad sport to call that play-action bomb? Was Rick Neuheisel for calling a pointless time-out?
Pete Carroll was a horrible sport. That's like the definition of bad sportsmanship. As for Neuheisel, maybe it was pointless, but it wasn't bad sportmanship either.
Q. This gives us a perfect segue to the thrilling Titans-Cardinals game, which rematched former Rose Bowl foes Vince Young and Matt Leinart. How 'bout that 99-yard drive Young engineered to win the game? Has this guy finally come of age?
It appears that he has. He no longer has just raw talent, he has full-fledged talent.
Q. What about Leinart? Does he have a future as a starter after yet another mediocre performance?
Only if he's given time to develop. Remember, that was VY's fifth game. Leinart didn't know he was starting until midday, but he still isn't doing very well despite that.
Q. Another wild finish was Atlanta's triumph (in throwback gear no less) over the hapless How Much Does That Corn Cost Buck-an-Ears. Your thoughts on reliever Chris Redman?
Well, he's a great backup with starting experience. The question is, can he beat the Eagles defense?
Q. Speaking of relievers, I thought Dennis Dixon looked impressive in a losing effort for the Steelers. With Big Ben's brain rattling around inside his cranium, could Dixon be Pittsburgh's quarterback of the future?
Chances are, he'll end up as the backup quarterback of the future. Ben hasn't actually been around for too many years. Maybe in a couple years, he'll get traded to a team that will give him a chance to start.
Q. Matthew Stafford slumped a bit after a spectacular Week 9 performance. How long will it be before the Lions are truly contenders?
A few more years. Maybe it would help to sign some big-name free agents.
Q. We talked about this on our walk yesterday: What's the next move in the Raiders' rebuilding operation? Head coach? Quarterback? Will JaMarcus Russell be part of the equation?
Both. Knowing Al Davis, he'll probably get Bobby Petrino and Colt McCoy, or someone like them.
Q. The Denver Bwoncos look to be on the rebound, while the Giants are continuing their slide. Which one of these teams is most likely to make the playoffs, and why?
Denver, and they might win their division. The Giants have a very difficult schedule coming up, although they might make the playoffs anyway.
Q. Buffalo gave Perry "Rocket" Fewell his first victory, but we've been hearing rumblings (or more accurately rodent-like scrabblings) of a Return of the Ratcoach in Buffalo. Is Shanahan a good fit for this franchise?
Well, Shanahan's teams always have an identity, usually of carrying many different running backs that all contribute, and the Bills only somewhat fit in that regard. In fact, they only somewhat fit in general. I bet he'll do well if he's hired, though.
Q. Speaking of franchises, they're not calling Mark "the Sanchise" much in NYC anymore. What happened after to the ace we saw in the first few weeks of the season?
I'm not positive. Perhaps he cracked under the pressure, or simply started facing better defenses and more difficult circumstances.
Q. Philly stole one from Washington in a game which featured a few pointless Michael Vick appearances. What is this guy doing with the Eagles, anyway?
Nothing. That's the only way it can be described.
Q. I did not even watch Seattle/St. Louis, that's how disenchanted I am with this team. Where should the Seahogs' reboot begin? You mentioned a good backup QB....
Yeah, but Mike Teel could be too low of a draft pick to ever make a difference in the NFL. As I said on our walk, they could use a real running back, or the second running back of a running back-by-committee that would include Justin Forsett.
Q. Looks like Jake Delhomme will be mercifully benched by the Panthers because of an alleged finger fracture. Yeah, the exact part of the finger that causes tons of interceptions. Do you think untested backup Matt Moore can save the Cats' season?
Well, he's hardly untested. He has playing experience. Nevertheless, he's simply a mediocre quarterback, and the Cats need to win five straight to even have a chance at the playoffs, including a game against New Orleans.
Q. Cincy continues to roll, this time behind a 100-yard rushing performance by bad citizen Larry Johnson. Is it wrong that this creep is effectively being rewarded for bad behavior?
Well, he's doing a good job from someone who has gone from starter to fourth running back. But remember that he had served his suspension. The Chiefs just decided to move on.
Q. Indy pulled out a victory against Houston. Do you think this team can go undefeated?
They can, but they can't come back from every big deficit. If this keeps happening, they'll lose.
Q. Our last question is on Tim Tebow Tim Tebow. Is he as good as they say? Will he pick the top pick in next year's draft? And if so, where do you think he will end up?
No, and he'll be in either Jacksonville or Washington. That is my bold prediction.
Q. Now comes the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
It's really sad that I went from starting Ronnie Brown and Brian Westbrook in fantasy football to Bernard Scott and Justin Forsett.
Well, we skipped a week again, but all that does is give us more to discuss with our resident 11-year-old football analyst. Let's get to it!
Q. Couple quick questions about college football as the season draws to a close. What was your favorite game from Rivalry Weekend and why?
Cal-Stanford, from last week, because Cal won in a dramatic finish.
Q. I'd like to get your thoughts on the grisly end of the USC-UCLA contest. Do you think Pete Carroll was a bad sport to call that play-action bomb? Was Rick Neuheisel for calling a pointless time-out?
Pete Carroll was a horrible sport. That's like the definition of bad sportsmanship. As for Neuheisel, maybe it was pointless, but it wasn't bad sportmanship either.
Q. This gives us a perfect segue to the thrilling Titans-Cardinals game, which rematched former Rose Bowl foes Vince Young and Matt Leinart. How 'bout that 99-yard drive Young engineered to win the game? Has this guy finally come of age?
It appears that he has. He no longer has just raw talent, he has full-fledged talent.
Q. What about Leinart? Does he have a future as a starter after yet another mediocre performance?
Only if he's given time to develop. Remember, that was VY's fifth game. Leinart didn't know he was starting until midday, but he still isn't doing very well despite that.
Q. Another wild finish was Atlanta's triumph (in throwback gear no less) over the hapless How Much Does That Corn Cost Buck-an-Ears. Your thoughts on reliever Chris Redman?
Well, he's a great backup with starting experience. The question is, can he beat the Eagles defense?
Q. Speaking of relievers, I thought Dennis Dixon looked impressive in a losing effort for the Steelers. With Big Ben's brain rattling around inside his cranium, could Dixon be Pittsburgh's quarterback of the future?
Chances are, he'll end up as the backup quarterback of the future. Ben hasn't actually been around for too many years. Maybe in a couple years, he'll get traded to a team that will give him a chance to start.
Q. Matthew Stafford slumped a bit after a spectacular Week 9 performance. How long will it be before the Lions are truly contenders?
A few more years. Maybe it would help to sign some big-name free agents.
Q. We talked about this on our walk yesterday: What's the next move in the Raiders' rebuilding operation? Head coach? Quarterback? Will JaMarcus Russell be part of the equation?
Both. Knowing Al Davis, he'll probably get Bobby Petrino and Colt McCoy, or someone like them.
Q. The Denver Bwoncos look to be on the rebound, while the Giants are continuing their slide. Which one of these teams is most likely to make the playoffs, and why?
Denver, and they might win their division. The Giants have a very difficult schedule coming up, although they might make the playoffs anyway.
Q. Buffalo gave Perry "Rocket" Fewell his first victory, but we've been hearing rumblings (or more accurately rodent-like scrabblings) of a Return of the Ratcoach in Buffalo. Is Shanahan a good fit for this franchise?
Well, Shanahan's teams always have an identity, usually of carrying many different running backs that all contribute, and the Bills only somewhat fit in that regard. In fact, they only somewhat fit in general. I bet he'll do well if he's hired, though.
Q. Speaking of franchises, they're not calling Mark "the Sanchise" much in NYC anymore. What happened after to the ace we saw in the first few weeks of the season?
I'm not positive. Perhaps he cracked under the pressure, or simply started facing better defenses and more difficult circumstances.
Q. Philly stole one from Washington in a game which featured a few pointless Michael Vick appearances. What is this guy doing with the Eagles, anyway?
Nothing. That's the only way it can be described.
Q. I did not even watch Seattle/St. Louis, that's how disenchanted I am with this team. Where should the Seahogs' reboot begin? You mentioned a good backup QB....
Yeah, but Mike Teel could be too low of a draft pick to ever make a difference in the NFL. As I said on our walk, they could use a real running back, or the second running back of a running back-by-committee that would include Justin Forsett.
Q. Looks like Jake Delhomme will be mercifully benched by the Panthers because of an alleged finger fracture. Yeah, the exact part of the finger that causes tons of interceptions. Do you think untested backup Matt Moore can save the Cats' season?
Well, he's hardly untested. He has playing experience. Nevertheless, he's simply a mediocre quarterback, and the Cats need to win five straight to even have a chance at the playoffs, including a game against New Orleans.
Q. Cincy continues to roll, this time behind a 100-yard rushing performance by bad citizen Larry Johnson. Is it wrong that this creep is effectively being rewarded for bad behavior?
Well, he's doing a good job from someone who has gone from starter to fourth running back. But remember that he had served his suspension. The Chiefs just decided to move on.
Q. Indy pulled out a victory against Houston. Do you think this team can go undefeated?
They can, but they can't come back from every big deficit. If this keeps happening, they'll lose.
Q. Our last question is on Tim Tebow Tim Tebow. Is he as good as they say? Will he pick the top pick in next year's draft? And if so, where do you think he will end up?
No, and he'll be in either Jacksonville or Washington. That is my bold prediction.
Q. Now comes the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
It's really sad that I went from starting Ronnie Brown and Brian Westbrook in fantasy football to Bernard Scott and Justin Forsett.
Monday, November 16, 2009
NFL Week 10 Interview - Midseason Edition
Yes, folks, we skipped another week; hence the general sense of ennui you feel about your life and the world around you. But do not despair, gentle reader, for we are BACK at the season's midpoint for a thoughtful assessment of all the NFL action. Our resident 11-year-old football analyst is mere feet away, playing NCAA 10 on our new HDTV, as I compose these questions....
Q. Gotta start with the play that dominated sports talk radio for the entire day, and will probably continue doing so for the remainder of the week. What did you think of Bill Belichick's go-for-it call on fourth and 2? Smart or stupid? Did it ultimately cost the Patriots the game?
Well, I didn't see it occur. But I can tell you that when you're Bill Belichick, you expect your team to convert. It's still inexcusable to go for it, especially on your own 28. And it did cost them the game.
Q. Lost in all of this Monday morning quarterbacking is the fact that after the failed attempt the New England defense simply folded, allowing the Colts to move thirty yards in a matter of seconds for the go-ahead touchdown. Were they just demoralized by their coach's apparent lack of faith in them, or what?
That, but more importantly, they had given up a huge lead.
Q. Another big story is the emergence of the Bengals as a genuine division leader with their impressive defeat of the Steelers. Is this team good enough to go the distance?
Not the Super Bowl distance, but certainly the divisional round distance. I don't think they could beat the Colts right now.
Q. What did you think of their signing of bad citizen Larry Johnson?
Well, I mean, Marvin Lewis claims it has nothing to do with the Cedric Benson injury, but can the Bengals really rely on a rookie from Abilene Christian?
Q. Kyle Snorton went down with an injury in the Broncos' unexpected loss to the Redskins. Does this sound the death knell for a Denver season which started so promisingly?
I heard he would play next week, but I still think they're on a steep decline.
Q. Speaking of former Broncos, can we talk about the mess in Chicago? Jay and His Cutlery is a pouty, pick-throwing disaster. What's going on there?
I really don't know. Maybe they should go to their running game. After all, they have Matt Forte.
Q. I cannot explain either the Falcons or the Seahawks week to week. It seems impossible to tell if either of these teams is any good. Which do you think has a better chance to make a postseason run?
The Falcons. Although the Seahawks started out well, I simply cannot see why they are doing so badly.
Q. Has Matt Hasselbeck lost it? What needs to be done in Seattle to make this team competitive?
He's not a bad quarterback. However, Seattle needs a decent running game. Justin Forsett is improving, though. He just got his first 100-yard game.
Q. Meanwhile, the Titans and Panthers seem to be rebounding from bad starts. Can they put together solid seasons in the time remaining?
Well, the Titans already have six losses in a tough wild card race. They're also in a difficult division. It doesn't look good. As for Carolina, their situation is just as bad. Their main competition is Atlanta, San Francisco, Philadelphia, New York, Green Bay and Chicago. Sounds hard.
Q. What's with Vince Young finally getting it together? What's changed in Tennessee to enable him to perform better?
He is compelled to prove himself. The starting job was simply given to him before.
Q. Brett Favrvrvrvre is on fire right now, with his aging arm showing remarkable range and accuracy. Do you think he'd be competing with this kind of fire if he were still in Green Bay?
Why wouldn't he be? Although his supporting cast is better in Minnesota, that wouldn't change his level of play. He does have more motivation now that he's playing for a division rival, though.
Q. Of the current glut of bad teams -- let's say KC, Oakland, Cleveland, Detroit, St. Louis and Tampa Bay -- which has the best chance to make a surprising late season run and why?
None of those five will make the playoffs. Tampa Bay and St. Louis are the best of them, though.
Q. Totally out of the news: Terrell Owens. Is this gentleman's career effectively over?
I don't think so, but he needs to contribute more if he wants to keep his career going.
Q. Many are continuing to predict a Colts-Saints Super Bowl at this point. What do you think?
I'd say that the Saints will definitely be there, but that Indianapolis could slip up.
Q. How's fantasy football treating you? I know you managed to eke out a narrow victory this week. Do you think your Hypnotic squad can make the playoffs?
No. But there's a small chance.
Q. Finally, we have the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
In my fantasy football league, you always start with 10 points because the defense gets 10 for the defense's opponent being shut out. (0-0, anyone?)
Q. Gotta start with the play that dominated sports talk radio for the entire day, and will probably continue doing so for the remainder of the week. What did you think of Bill Belichick's go-for-it call on fourth and 2? Smart or stupid? Did it ultimately cost the Patriots the game?
Well, I didn't see it occur. But I can tell you that when you're Bill Belichick, you expect your team to convert. It's still inexcusable to go for it, especially on your own 28. And it did cost them the game.
Q. Lost in all of this Monday morning quarterbacking is the fact that after the failed attempt the New England defense simply folded, allowing the Colts to move thirty yards in a matter of seconds for the go-ahead touchdown. Were they just demoralized by their coach's apparent lack of faith in them, or what?
That, but more importantly, they had given up a huge lead.
Q. Another big story is the emergence of the Bengals as a genuine division leader with their impressive defeat of the Steelers. Is this team good enough to go the distance?
Not the Super Bowl distance, but certainly the divisional round distance. I don't think they could beat the Colts right now.
Q. What did you think of their signing of bad citizen Larry Johnson?
Well, I mean, Marvin Lewis claims it has nothing to do with the Cedric Benson injury, but can the Bengals really rely on a rookie from Abilene Christian?
Q. Kyle Snorton went down with an injury in the Broncos' unexpected loss to the Redskins. Does this sound the death knell for a Denver season which started so promisingly?
I heard he would play next week, but I still think they're on a steep decline.
Q. Speaking of former Broncos, can we talk about the mess in Chicago? Jay and His Cutlery is a pouty, pick-throwing disaster. What's going on there?
I really don't know. Maybe they should go to their running game. After all, they have Matt Forte.
Q. I cannot explain either the Falcons or the Seahawks week to week. It seems impossible to tell if either of these teams is any good. Which do you think has a better chance to make a postseason run?
The Falcons. Although the Seahawks started out well, I simply cannot see why they are doing so badly.
Q. Has Matt Hasselbeck lost it? What needs to be done in Seattle to make this team competitive?
He's not a bad quarterback. However, Seattle needs a decent running game. Justin Forsett is improving, though. He just got his first 100-yard game.
Q. Meanwhile, the Titans and Panthers seem to be rebounding from bad starts. Can they put together solid seasons in the time remaining?
Well, the Titans already have six losses in a tough wild card race. They're also in a difficult division. It doesn't look good. As for Carolina, their situation is just as bad. Their main competition is Atlanta, San Francisco, Philadelphia, New York, Green Bay and Chicago. Sounds hard.
Q. What's with Vince Young finally getting it together? What's changed in Tennessee to enable him to perform better?
He is compelled to prove himself. The starting job was simply given to him before.
Q. Brett Favrvrvrvre is on fire right now, with his aging arm showing remarkable range and accuracy. Do you think he'd be competing with this kind of fire if he were still in Green Bay?
Why wouldn't he be? Although his supporting cast is better in Minnesota, that wouldn't change his level of play. He does have more motivation now that he's playing for a division rival, though.
Q. Of the current glut of bad teams -- let's say KC, Oakland, Cleveland, Detroit, St. Louis and Tampa Bay -- which has the best chance to make a surprising late season run and why?
None of those five will make the playoffs. Tampa Bay and St. Louis are the best of them, though.
Q. Totally out of the news: Terrell Owens. Is this gentleman's career effectively over?
I don't think so, but he needs to contribute more if he wants to keep his career going.
Q. Many are continuing to predict a Colts-Saints Super Bowl at this point. What do you think?
I'd say that the Saints will definitely be there, but that Indianapolis could slip up.
Q. How's fantasy football treating you? I know you managed to eke out a narrow victory this week. Do you think your Hypnotic squad can make the playoffs?
No. But there's a small chance.
Q. Finally, we have the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
In my fantasy football league, you always start with 10 points because the defense gets 10 for the defense's opponent being shut out. (0-0, anyone?)
Sunday, November 01, 2009
NFL Week 8 Interview - "Pump It, Louder!" Edition
Sometimes we skip a week, sports fans, just to make you appreciate us. Last week we were still recovering from Sunday night's U2 + Black Eyed Peas show at the Rose Bowl, so we never got around to posting an update. But now we are back with all the trenchant analysis you've come to expect from the Internet's finest sports blog.
Q. I want to open with a non-sports question: What'd you think of the U2 concert?
Although it was a little disappointing, it was still a great spectacle.
Q. How was it seeing an arena show with an audience of nearly 100,000 people?
Amazing. I don't think I've even encountered 100,000 people in my entire life.
Q. Which band impressed you the most?
The Black Eyed Peas put on a much more exciting show. They were somewhat more impressive.
Q. Finally, talk about your Halloween costume and the genesis thereof.
I dressed up as "Punk Rock Spock". Basically, I bought a Spock costume and pointed ears. Then I put a safety pin through one ear, attached pins saying "No Future" to the shirt and wore some studded wristbands.
Q. Okay, on to football. Apparently the bookmakers are getting killed this season because the separation between the really good teams and the really bad teams is more pronounced than it's been in years. Does it seem that way to you?
Yes, but there aren't too many outstanding teams. It seems like there are bad teams, okay teams and pretty good teams.
Q. Name four elite teams and your assessment of their playoff chances.
Indianapolis, New Orleans, New York (the Giants) and New England. Indianapolis is potentially the best team in the AFC, and I think they will go far. With the Giants' loss, New Orleans is the undisputed best team in the NFC. Let's see how they do against Atlanta. The Giants lost today and last week, but are still a good team. I predict they will lose in the divisional round after beating some weaker wild card. And finally, the Patriots are better than they appear.
Q. Another reason this is an unusual year is the dearth of rookie standouts, with hyped newcomers like Mark Sanchez fading down the stretch. Can you pick out any rookies who you feel are making a significant impact right now?
Although Mark Sanchez is fading, he is really helping his team. They wouldn't be as far as they are with Kellen Clemens at quarterback.
Q. The Titans finally picked up their first win today with Vince Young under center. Meaningful?
Eh, it was against Jacksonville. Let's see him against the Colts.
Q. Conversely, the Panthers surprised the Cardinals with the help of a strong performance from Jake Delhomme. Meaningless?
No. Jake Delhomme has realized that unless he does well, he'll be in St. Louis or somewhere next season.
Q. Quick digression to college ball. A lot of people find the college game to be much more entertaining than the pro game. Do you agree?
I'd say that college overtime, and the freedom to attempt more trick plays in college, make it a little more "fun".
Q. We have a new HDTV. Do you enjoy games more in HD, or does it not make that much of a difference to you?
It looks better, and I appreciate that, but it doesn't make me enjoy it more.
Q. What about video games like NCAA 10? Do they look better in HD?
YES!
Q. What's the state of the Wildcat formation at this point? Is it still an effective gimmick, or has it become so quotidian that it's no more special than, say, the shotgun spread?
I like the Wildcat, and it will be here to stay for at least a little while, but unlike the shotgun spread, it's not its own offense.
Q. Which team runs the Wildcat the best?
Miami came up with the original idea, and so has many more wrinkles to offer. They run it best.
Q. What's your favorite throwback uniform?
Either the Bills', or the yellow-helmet Steelers'.
Q. The yearly London games bespeak the NFL's determination to make American football a global sport. Would you favor adding a non-US team to the NFL? If so, which city should get the first foreign franchise?
I understand that it's important for American football to become an international sport, but for whatever reason, the idea of a team from London doesn't intrigue me. I wouldn't be incredibly opposed, though, so if there was a foreign franchise, it should probably be from London. Toronto is a good choice, but it has a CFL team.
Q. Should Los Angeles get a franchise? Which is more likely -- that it's an expansion team, or a team which relocates from somewhere else?
Expansion team. Only the Jaguars and Bills should really consider relocation.
Q. Since we're posting a day early, I challenge you to predict the EXACT FINAL SCORE of the Monday night Falcons-Saints game. Bettors, take note!
31-23 Saints. Sorry.
Q. And now comes the part where Henry gets to type whatever he wants.
With Vince Young now a starter, I wonder what the future holds for Matt Leinart.
Q. I want to open with a non-sports question: What'd you think of the U2 concert?
Although it was a little disappointing, it was still a great spectacle.
Q. How was it seeing an arena show with an audience of nearly 100,000 people?
Amazing. I don't think I've even encountered 100,000 people in my entire life.
Q. Which band impressed you the most?
The Black Eyed Peas put on a much more exciting show. They were somewhat more impressive.
Q. Finally, talk about your Halloween costume and the genesis thereof.
I dressed up as "Punk Rock Spock". Basically, I bought a Spock costume and pointed ears. Then I put a safety pin through one ear, attached pins saying "No Future" to the shirt and wore some studded wristbands.
Q. Okay, on to football. Apparently the bookmakers are getting killed this season because the separation between the really good teams and the really bad teams is more pronounced than it's been in years. Does it seem that way to you?
Yes, but there aren't too many outstanding teams. It seems like there are bad teams, okay teams and pretty good teams.
Q. Name four elite teams and your assessment of their playoff chances.
Indianapolis, New Orleans, New York (the Giants) and New England. Indianapolis is potentially the best team in the AFC, and I think they will go far. With the Giants' loss, New Orleans is the undisputed best team in the NFC. Let's see how they do against Atlanta. The Giants lost today and last week, but are still a good team. I predict they will lose in the divisional round after beating some weaker wild card. And finally, the Patriots are better than they appear.
Q. Another reason this is an unusual year is the dearth of rookie standouts, with hyped newcomers like Mark Sanchez fading down the stretch. Can you pick out any rookies who you feel are making a significant impact right now?
Although Mark Sanchez is fading, he is really helping his team. They wouldn't be as far as they are with Kellen Clemens at quarterback.
Q. The Titans finally picked up their first win today with Vince Young under center. Meaningful?
Eh, it was against Jacksonville. Let's see him against the Colts.
Q. Conversely, the Panthers surprised the Cardinals with the help of a strong performance from Jake Delhomme. Meaningless?
No. Jake Delhomme has realized that unless he does well, he'll be in St. Louis or somewhere next season.
Q. Quick digression to college ball. A lot of people find the college game to be much more entertaining than the pro game. Do you agree?
I'd say that college overtime, and the freedom to attempt more trick plays in college, make it a little more "fun".
Q. We have a new HDTV. Do you enjoy games more in HD, or does it not make that much of a difference to you?
It looks better, and I appreciate that, but it doesn't make me enjoy it more.
Q. What about video games like NCAA 10? Do they look better in HD?
YES!
Q. What's the state of the Wildcat formation at this point? Is it still an effective gimmick, or has it become so quotidian that it's no more special than, say, the shotgun spread?
I like the Wildcat, and it will be here to stay for at least a little while, but unlike the shotgun spread, it's not its own offense.
Q. Which team runs the Wildcat the best?
Miami came up with the original idea, and so has many more wrinkles to offer. They run it best.
Q. What's your favorite throwback uniform?
Either the Bills', or the yellow-helmet Steelers'.
Q. The yearly London games bespeak the NFL's determination to make American football a global sport. Would you favor adding a non-US team to the NFL? If so, which city should get the first foreign franchise?
I understand that it's important for American football to become an international sport, but for whatever reason, the idea of a team from London doesn't intrigue me. I wouldn't be incredibly opposed, though, so if there was a foreign franchise, it should probably be from London. Toronto is a good choice, but it has a CFL team.
Q. Should Los Angeles get a franchise? Which is more likely -- that it's an expansion team, or a team which relocates from somewhere else?
Expansion team. Only the Jaguars and Bills should really consider relocation.
Q. Since we're posting a day early, I challenge you to predict the EXACT FINAL SCORE of the Monday night Falcons-Saints game. Bettors, take note!
31-23 Saints. Sorry.
Q. And now comes the part where Henry gets to type whatever he wants.
With Vince Young now a starter, I wonder what the future holds for Matt Leinart.
Monday, October 19, 2009
NFL Week 6 Interview - Multigenerational Edition
Welcome back to the Internet's favorite football blog. Our special guest star this week is the 11-year-old pundit's grandfather Lenny, who will intermittently chime in with the pointed questions and fabulous fabrications for which he is so justly renowned.
Q. from Lenny: Here's my question. In England, one of their favorite sports is called football. In the U.S., a favorite sport... also called football. What is the difference between these two footballs?
One is round, and one is a strange diamond shape.
Q. from Jeff: What exactly does it prove when a team racks up 35 points in one quarter? Was it bad sportsmanship? Do you think the Patriots should have let up on the hapless Titans?
They couldn't help themselves -- it was too hard to let up against the Titans, who are suddenly looking terrible.
Q. from Lenny: Who invented football in the United States?
I don't know, actually.
Lenny says: Amos Alonzo Stagg.
Q. from Jeff: Obviously my dad's questions are going to be decidedly different from my own. Here's my next one: How overwhelmingly dominant are the New Orleans Saints? Is it offense or defense which is the key to their undefeated season so far?
Offense, definitely. 27 points isn't that great -- it's just scoring 48 points that makes you win.
Q. from Lenny: If Rush Limbaugh were allowed to buy the St. Louis Rams, in your opinion, would this be good, bad, or indifferent for the team?
It would be bad for their image, and I don't understand how it would help the team itself, because he would be a minority owner in the group.
Lenny: That's a good answer.
Q. from Jeff: Who's the NFL MVP at this point? I know I ask this every couple of weeks, but the answer changes as the season wears on.
As of now, it seems like Drew Brees.
Lenny: You think?
Henry: No one's doing better.
Q. from Lenny: What's your opinion of the Atlanta Falcons?
They're okay, but they could be doing a lot better. They're somewhat of a disappointment.
Q. from Jeff: Vultures are circling Jim Zorn. Would you fire him? And if so, whom would you replace him with?
After losing to the winless Chiefs, it does seem like something needs to be changed with the Redskins -- and it has. Zorn has given up the play-calling duties. If he were to be fired, then I'd expect the Redskins to hire a defensive coach.
Q. from Lenny: Why doesn't the NFL play teams from other countries?
Well, they used to in the preseason -- they played against the Canadian Football League -- but alternating sets of rules became too much of a hassle.
Q. from Jeff: Your fantasy team came in for a bit of a pounding this week. I'm starting to see an essential unfairness built into fantasy football, 'cause if you don't carry the right players, there's simply no way you can win. Thoughts?
Well, that's somewhat the point of fantasy football -- you have to choose the right players.
Q. from Lenny: What is a safety, and how many points do you get?
A safety is when the ball goes out the back of the end zone, or a penalty occurs in the end zone. You get two points.
Q. written by the analyst himself! Are the Raiders any good? They somehow beat Philadelphia.
I wouldn't get my hopes up. Two wins and four losses isn't something to be proud of.
Last Q. from Lenny: Who would you like to buy control of the St. Louis Rams?
Someone who knows what they're doing. It seems like Dave Checketts, who owns a hockey team, would have some experience.
Q.: Why, oh why, did the Ravens' kicker miss that final field goal? I do not know how much more of this Favrvrvrvrvre saga I can stand.
Steven Hauschka is a second-year, inexperienced kicker. Still, he needs to make those kicks.
Q.: My favorite moment of the weekend was the insipid, childish pout on the face of Jay and His Cutlery after he failed to steer the Bears to victory against the Falcons. Name your three favorite moments of the weekend.
1. Raiders run out the clock on Philadelphia.
2. Bills upset the Jets.
3. Dante Wesley gets suspended for his hit on Clifton Smith.
Q.: Finally, after an uncharacteristically chaotic blogging session, we come to America's favorite part, where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Six overtime games in six weeks... at this rate, there will be seventeen when the regular season ends. There were fifteen last year.
Q. from Lenny: Here's my question. In England, one of their favorite sports is called football. In the U.S., a favorite sport... also called football. What is the difference between these two footballs?
One is round, and one is a strange diamond shape.
Q. from Jeff: What exactly does it prove when a team racks up 35 points in one quarter? Was it bad sportsmanship? Do you think the Patriots should have let up on the hapless Titans?
They couldn't help themselves -- it was too hard to let up against the Titans, who are suddenly looking terrible.
Q. from Lenny: Who invented football in the United States?
I don't know, actually.
Lenny says: Amos Alonzo Stagg.
Q. from Jeff: Obviously my dad's questions are going to be decidedly different from my own. Here's my next one: How overwhelmingly dominant are the New Orleans Saints? Is it offense or defense which is the key to their undefeated season so far?
Offense, definitely. 27 points isn't that great -- it's just scoring 48 points that makes you win.
Q. from Lenny: If Rush Limbaugh were allowed to buy the St. Louis Rams, in your opinion, would this be good, bad, or indifferent for the team?
It would be bad for their image, and I don't understand how it would help the team itself, because he would be a minority owner in the group.
Lenny: That's a good answer.
Q. from Jeff: Who's the NFL MVP at this point? I know I ask this every couple of weeks, but the answer changes as the season wears on.
As of now, it seems like Drew Brees.
Lenny: You think?
Henry: No one's doing better.
Q. from Lenny: What's your opinion of the Atlanta Falcons?
They're okay, but they could be doing a lot better. They're somewhat of a disappointment.
Q. from Jeff: Vultures are circling Jim Zorn. Would you fire him? And if so, whom would you replace him with?
After losing to the winless Chiefs, it does seem like something needs to be changed with the Redskins -- and it has. Zorn has given up the play-calling duties. If he were to be fired, then I'd expect the Redskins to hire a defensive coach.
Q. from Lenny: Why doesn't the NFL play teams from other countries?
Well, they used to in the preseason -- they played against the Canadian Football League -- but alternating sets of rules became too much of a hassle.
Q. from Jeff: Your fantasy team came in for a bit of a pounding this week. I'm starting to see an essential unfairness built into fantasy football, 'cause if you don't carry the right players, there's simply no way you can win. Thoughts?
Well, that's somewhat the point of fantasy football -- you have to choose the right players.
Q. from Lenny: What is a safety, and how many points do you get?
A safety is when the ball goes out the back of the end zone, or a penalty occurs in the end zone. You get two points.
Q. written by the analyst himself! Are the Raiders any good? They somehow beat Philadelphia.
I wouldn't get my hopes up. Two wins and four losses isn't something to be proud of.
Last Q. from Lenny: Who would you like to buy control of the St. Louis Rams?
Someone who knows what they're doing. It seems like Dave Checketts, who owns a hockey team, would have some experience.
Q.: Why, oh why, did the Ravens' kicker miss that final field goal? I do not know how much more of this Favrvrvrvrvre saga I can stand.
Steven Hauschka is a second-year, inexperienced kicker. Still, he needs to make those kicks.
Q.: My favorite moment of the weekend was the insipid, childish pout on the face of Jay and His Cutlery after he failed to steer the Bears to victory against the Falcons. Name your three favorite moments of the weekend.
1. Raiders run out the clock on Philadelphia.
2. Bills upset the Jets.
3. Dante Wesley gets suspended for his hit on Clifton Smith.
Q.: Finally, after an uncharacteristically chaotic blogging session, we come to America's favorite part, where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Six overtime games in six weeks... at this rate, there will be seventeen when the regular season ends. There were fifteen last year.
Monday, October 12, 2009
NFL Week 5 Interview - Things Which Don't Make Sense Edition
Hello again, folks. Welcome back to the only major Internet sports blog which features the deep musings of an 11-year-old football analyst. This week our theme is Things Which Don't Make Sense, but first...
Q. Tell us about your fantasy team's stunning blowout victory this week. What's the secret to Hypnotic's impressive three-game winning streak, and their climb to second place in the league?
Well, I only won this game because Mcmuffin started three players, including Drew Brees, who were on bye weeks.
Q. Okay, on to our theme. I want to talk about a dozen Things Which Don't Make Sense five weeks into the NFL season. Thing One is, of course, the 5-0 Denver Broncos. No more can we say that they've only beaten cupcake teams -- the Pats went down, and went down hard. What do you foresee for the team from Mile High over the next several weeks?
Well, in a somewhat weak division, they'll continue to win some of their games. But they face the Chargers in Week 6, the Ravens in Week 8, the Steelers in week 9, the Chargers again in week 11, the Giants in week 12 on Thursday night, the Colts in week 14 and the Eagles in week 16. In other words, a ridiculously hard schedule. It'll be hard for them make it to the playoffs, let alone stay undefeated.
Q. Thing Two is the Bengals as division leaders. Is this a tribute to the overall ineptitude of the AFC North, or has Cincy finally put together a team worth watching?
The AFC North, besides Cleveland, is actually really good. The Bengals just seem to be superior this year. Yes, their team is worth watching.
Q. Thing Three: the 0-5 Titans. I've said it before -- this team has long been a fashionable Super Bowl pick, but this year they seem to have fallen off a cliff. Are Tennessee fans in for years of rebuilding, or is this just a bad streak?
I really have no idea. It's ridiculous that such a good team is doing so badly. Rebuilding may not be necessary, but it will be at the quarterback position.
Q. Thing Four: JaMarcus Russell's astounding mediocrity. What happened?? Was he simply rushed into the starting job too soon, or do his problems go deeper than that?
He's never been good at all. In the first few weeks, he played okay, but he doesn't seem to be the answer at quarterback. The Raiders, as usual, are the team that needs years of rebuilding.
Q. Thing Five: Cover boy Brady Quinn's slow slide into irrelevance. Will this guy ever start for an NFL franchise, or is he doomed to a role as a marginal backup?
After Derek Anderson's terrible performance, he seems to be the better quarterback in Cleveland. He may not ever be a consistent starter there.
Q. Thing Six: Kyle Orton suddenly looking like Joe Montana. Is he an anomaly, this year's Rex the Gross Man, or has Snorton finally grown into a starter?
He's looking good, but he's been aided by the performances of others like Brandon Marshall and Knowshon Moreno.
Q. Thing Seven: 250 yards receiving for Miles Austin. Who is this guy? Did he just have a once-in-a-lifetime game, or was this week the coming-out party for a major talent?
He may do a lot better than he did before, but don't expect him to break any more Cowboys records.
Q. Thing Eight: 6 to 3? How does an NFL game end 6-3? Are Cleveland and Buffalo really that bad?
Cleveland is. So is Buffalo, but at least they have some promise. All I can say for Cleveland is "2 FOR 17!".
Q. Thing Nine: I hate to even mention this, but for the past two weeks Big Brett Favrvrvre has actually looked like the gunslinger of yore, rather than the Adrian Peterson Handoff Specialist we saw in Weeks 1-3. Can the 40-year-old phenom keep it up?
For this season, but not any more afterwards. NO MORE FAVRE UNRETIREMENTS!!!!!!!!!
Q. Thing Ten: Seattle wakes up and blows out the mercurial Jaguars. Can the Hogs salvage their season with a healthy Matt Hassle-them-back under center?
I'm sure they can. After all, they looked improved to begin with before Sycamore Wallace came in.
Q. Thing Eleven: Michael Vick disappears from the headlines. Wow, that was quick. Is Kevin Kolb really good enough to make Philly fans forget Michael Pick?
No, but Donovan McNabb is. "Eagles steamroll Bucs in McNabb's return", anyone?
Q. Finally, Thing Twelve: Michael Crabtree signs with the Niners. Do you think they had to agree to buy into his "I would have gone higher" fantasies in order to make the deal?
No, he probably was the one that gave in, when the 49ersdestroyed the Rams showed some promise.
Q. Now, in the world of things which do make sense, here's the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
I wonder if Derek Anderson broke the record for fewest completions in 17 attempts...
Q. Tell us about your fantasy team's stunning blowout victory this week. What's the secret to Hypnotic's impressive three-game winning streak, and their climb to second place in the league?
Well, I only won this game because Mcmuffin started three players, including Drew Brees, who were on bye weeks.
Q. Okay, on to our theme. I want to talk about a dozen Things Which Don't Make Sense five weeks into the NFL season. Thing One is, of course, the 5-0 Denver Broncos. No more can we say that they've only beaten cupcake teams -- the Pats went down, and went down hard. What do you foresee for the team from Mile High over the next several weeks?
Well, in a somewhat weak division, they'll continue to win some of their games. But they face the Chargers in Week 6, the Ravens in Week 8, the Steelers in week 9, the Chargers again in week 11, the Giants in week 12 on Thursday night, the Colts in week 14 and the Eagles in week 16. In other words, a ridiculously hard schedule. It'll be hard for them make it to the playoffs, let alone stay undefeated.
Q. Thing Two is the Bengals as division leaders. Is this a tribute to the overall ineptitude of the AFC North, or has Cincy finally put together a team worth watching?
The AFC North, besides Cleveland, is actually really good. The Bengals just seem to be superior this year. Yes, their team is worth watching.
Q. Thing Three: the 0-5 Titans. I've said it before -- this team has long been a fashionable Super Bowl pick, but this year they seem to have fallen off a cliff. Are Tennessee fans in for years of rebuilding, or is this just a bad streak?
I really have no idea. It's ridiculous that such a good team is doing so badly. Rebuilding may not be necessary, but it will be at the quarterback position.
Q. Thing Four: JaMarcus Russell's astounding mediocrity. What happened?? Was he simply rushed into the starting job too soon, or do his problems go deeper than that?
He's never been good at all. In the first few weeks, he played okay, but he doesn't seem to be the answer at quarterback. The Raiders, as usual, are the team that needs years of rebuilding.
Q. Thing Five: Cover boy Brady Quinn's slow slide into irrelevance. Will this guy ever start for an NFL franchise, or is he doomed to a role as a marginal backup?
After Derek Anderson's terrible performance, he seems to be the better quarterback in Cleveland. He may not ever be a consistent starter there.
Q. Thing Six: Kyle Orton suddenly looking like Joe Montana. Is he an anomaly, this year's Rex the Gross Man, or has Snorton finally grown into a starter?
He's looking good, but he's been aided by the performances of others like Brandon Marshall and Knowshon Moreno.
Q. Thing Seven: 250 yards receiving for Miles Austin. Who is this guy? Did he just have a once-in-a-lifetime game, or was this week the coming-out party for a major talent?
He may do a lot better than he did before, but don't expect him to break any more Cowboys records.
Q. Thing Eight: 6 to 3? How does an NFL game end 6-3? Are Cleveland and Buffalo really that bad?
Cleveland is. So is Buffalo, but at least they have some promise. All I can say for Cleveland is "2 FOR 17!".
Q. Thing Nine: I hate to even mention this, but for the past two weeks Big Brett Favrvrvre has actually looked like the gunslinger of yore, rather than the Adrian Peterson Handoff Specialist we saw in Weeks 1-3. Can the 40-year-old phenom keep it up?
For this season, but not any more afterwards. NO MORE FAVRE UNRETIREMENTS!!!!!!!!!
Q. Thing Ten: Seattle wakes up and blows out the mercurial Jaguars. Can the Hogs salvage their season with a healthy Matt Hassle-them-back under center?
I'm sure they can. After all, they looked improved to begin with before Sycamore Wallace came in.
Q. Thing Eleven: Michael Vick disappears from the headlines. Wow, that was quick. Is Kevin Kolb really good enough to make Philly fans forget Michael Pick?
No, but Donovan McNabb is. "Eagles steamroll Bucs in McNabb's return", anyone?
Q. Finally, Thing Twelve: Michael Crabtree signs with the Niners. Do you think they had to agree to buy into his "I would have gone higher" fantasies in order to make the deal?
No, he probably was the one that gave in, when the 49ers
Q. Now, in the world of things which do make sense, here's the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
I wonder if Derek Anderson broke the record for fewest completions in 17 attempts...
Monday, October 05, 2009
NFL Week 4 Interview
Rrrrrr. So sick of the whole Brett Favrvrvrvre business that I barely have the strength to type these words. But still, the blog must go on. We're here with our resident 11-year-old football analyst for a quicker-than-usual rundown of all the action in Week 4.
Q. A very quick Brett bit of business. Are you impressed by the news that Brett is the only quarterback in NFL history to have beaten all 32 NFL teams?
Definitely. Quarterbacks don't play against, say, teams in the other conference, that often.
Q. I know we touched on this last week, but the Broncos are, incredibly, 4-0. First of all, do you find this a more difficult team to dislike, what with the departure of the Rat-Coach and Jay and His Cutlery? And second, is this a genuinely good team, or just a fast starter which is bound to flame out at some point?
Two of their wins have been ridiculously lucky, but they have talent. They certainly are hard to hate. I don't think it'll be easy for them to finish the season the way they've started it.
Q. Coach Death Pool: Who will be the first coach to lose his job, and why?
It's hard to tell. The coaches of bad teams are all in their first season.
Q. When will Detroit pick up their next victory?
Against the Rams. Worst team in the NFL.
Q. Would you start Tyler Thigpen in Miami?
I thought it would be a good idea before yesterday. Chad Henne had a decent game, so I don't see why they shouldn't start him.
Q. I think that with their latest blowout by the 49ers, your assertion that the Rams are the worst team in the NFL has officially been borne out. What are three things that need to be done to rebuild this franchise?
1) Get a new, non-bust quarterback
2) Find a good coach
3) Draft wisely in general
Q. Will Terrell Owens ever be relevant again?
Because of his big mouth, he'll always be relevant for the media until he retires.
Q. Do you think Tom Brady is back to pre-injury form?
It sure seems like he is. The team isn't as good as it was when he won his third Super Bowl in four years.
Q. What the heck happened to the Titans, a fashionable preseason Super Bowl pick? Do you think they can rebound from their dismal start? What will it take?
I don't know what they can do. Chris Johnson will have to have some great games. And the AFC South is probably now the toughest AFC division.
Q. The Seahawks' electric green uniforms: worst uniform in history? Discuss. If there's a worse one, tell us what it is.
Well, I have absolutely no idea where the uniforms came from, or why Seattle wore them. At least they're not as bad as the original Bucs uniforms.
Q. If you were the Niners, would you renew talks with Michael Crabtree? Why/why not?
Well, after shutting out a division rival, I don't know if they need him. They don't seem to even care about his fantasies about being picked seventh overall.
Q. Is the Redskins' victory over the How Much Does That Corn Cost Buccaneers meaningful, or just a beatdown of a miserable opponent?
It wasn't a beatdown, it was a three-point victory. Still, it was almost an embarrassing loss, and it doesn't mean much in the big picture.
Q. What did you think of all the pink breast cancer awareness uniform accents? Who did it the best?
Chad Ochocinco's were the most noticeable, and talked-about, accents. I haven't seen anything particularly interesting enough to outdo him.
Q. New Orleans: unstoppable Super Bowl team?
So far, they've been unstoppable, but they probably will slip up sometime. Against Atlanta, hopefully.
Q. I know you are reluctant to pick a favorite NFL player. Who do you think is the most likable player?
Well, I'm not sure about this one. Reggie Wayne is pretty likable.
Q. Do you have a favorite coach?
Maybe Mike Tomlin.
Q. I like to check in on this occasionally: what are your most despised sports clichés?
"Left to right on your radio". Is something moving across my radio? Also,
"As cool as the other side of the pillow". *cough*Stuart Scott*cough*
Q. Jon Gruden: good broadcaster or lousy?
He's decent. He's a nice color commentator to replace Kornheiser.
Q. Has playing fantasy football enhanced your enjoyment of the game? How's your team doing?
My team's now 2-2. Hopefully I can continue my winning streak against "Mcmuffin".
Q. Finally, do you have a favorite sportswriter? A while back you picked a favorite sports book, but I've forgotten what it was. What is it these days?
I don't know many sportwriters, but I've always liked Sal Paolantonio's book, The Paolantonio Report.
Q. Now comes the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
The question is, who will be the first quarterback to lose to all 32 teams?
Q. A very quick Brett bit of business. Are you impressed by the news that Brett is the only quarterback in NFL history to have beaten all 32 NFL teams?
Definitely. Quarterbacks don't play against, say, teams in the other conference, that often.
Q. I know we touched on this last week, but the Broncos are, incredibly, 4-0. First of all, do you find this a more difficult team to dislike, what with the departure of the Rat-Coach and Jay and His Cutlery? And second, is this a genuinely good team, or just a fast starter which is bound to flame out at some point?
Two of their wins have been ridiculously lucky, but they have talent. They certainly are hard to hate. I don't think it'll be easy for them to finish the season the way they've started it.
Q. Coach Death Pool: Who will be the first coach to lose his job, and why?
It's hard to tell. The coaches of bad teams are all in their first season.
Q. When will Detroit pick up their next victory?
Against the Rams. Worst team in the NFL.
Q. Would you start Tyler Thigpen in Miami?
I thought it would be a good idea before yesterday. Chad Henne had a decent game, so I don't see why they shouldn't start him.
Q. I think that with their latest blowout by the 49ers, your assertion that the Rams are the worst team in the NFL has officially been borne out. What are three things that need to be done to rebuild this franchise?
1) Get a new, non-bust quarterback
2) Find a good coach
3) Draft wisely in general
Q. Will Terrell Owens ever be relevant again?
Because of his big mouth, he'll always be relevant for the media until he retires.
Q. Do you think Tom Brady is back to pre-injury form?
It sure seems like he is. The team isn't as good as it was when he won his third Super Bowl in four years.
Q. What the heck happened to the Titans, a fashionable preseason Super Bowl pick? Do you think they can rebound from their dismal start? What will it take?
I don't know what they can do. Chris Johnson will have to have some great games. And the AFC South is probably now the toughest AFC division.
Q. The Seahawks' electric green uniforms: worst uniform in history? Discuss. If there's a worse one, tell us what it is.
Well, I have absolutely no idea where the uniforms came from, or why Seattle wore them. At least they're not as bad as the original Bucs uniforms.
Q. If you were the Niners, would you renew talks with Michael Crabtree? Why/why not?
Well, after shutting out a division rival, I don't know if they need him. They don't seem to even care about his fantasies about being picked seventh overall.
Q. Is the Redskins' victory over the How Much Does That Corn Cost Buccaneers meaningful, or just a beatdown of a miserable opponent?
It wasn't a beatdown, it was a three-point victory. Still, it was almost an embarrassing loss, and it doesn't mean much in the big picture.
Q. What did you think of all the pink breast cancer awareness uniform accents? Who did it the best?
Chad Ochocinco's were the most noticeable, and talked-about, accents. I haven't seen anything particularly interesting enough to outdo him.
Q. New Orleans: unstoppable Super Bowl team?
So far, they've been unstoppable, but they probably will slip up sometime. Against Atlanta, hopefully.
Q. I know you are reluctant to pick a favorite NFL player. Who do you think is the most likable player?
Well, I'm not sure about this one. Reggie Wayne is pretty likable.
Q. Do you have a favorite coach?
Maybe Mike Tomlin.
Q. I like to check in on this occasionally: what are your most despised sports clichés?
"Left to right on your radio". Is something moving across my radio? Also,
"As cool as the other side of the pillow". *cough*Stuart Scott*cough*
Q. Jon Gruden: good broadcaster or lousy?
He's decent. He's a nice color commentator to replace Kornheiser.
Q. Has playing fantasy football enhanced your enjoyment of the game? How's your team doing?
My team's now 2-2. Hopefully I can continue my winning streak against "Mcmuffin".
Q. Finally, do you have a favorite sportswriter? A while back you picked a favorite sports book, but I've forgotten what it was. What is it these days?
I don't know many sportwriters, but I've always liked Sal Paolantonio's book, The Paolantonio Report.
Q. Now comes the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
The question is, who will be the first quarterback to lose to all 32 teams?
Monday, September 28, 2009
NFL Week 3 Interview
New deal! We're taking a break from our usual game-by-game format to get a general Week 3 assessment from our resident 11-year-old football analyst.
Q. I want to run down the seven undefeated teams and get your take on which ones are for real. The questions are a) are they a good team or just lucky, and b) can they keep it up? (Don't just give one-word answers; your faithful readers are yearning for some of your inimitably colorful sportswriting.)
1) Jets
Good or lucky?
Oh, they're good. Three important wins have come already.
Can they keep it up?
Well, when the Patriots meet the Jets again later in the season, expect Bill Belichick to have prepared them well. Still, I think they'll make the playoffs if they play the way they have in these first weeks.
2) Ravens
Good or lucky?
Well, Baltimore is somewhere in between. Two of their wins have come against incredibly weak teams - Kansas City and Cleveland - but they did beat San Diego. So, in other words, they're good, but their 3-0 start could be a fluke.
Can they keep it up?
Perhaps, but I don't know about them beating the Steelers, Vikings and Patriots, who all are on their schedule. They'll probably make the playoffs, but they won't be undefeated for much longer.
3) Colts
Good or lucky?
Everyone knows the Colts have talent after these three weeks! I think their blowout of Arizona, who were coming off of an utter destruction of Jacksonville (who the Colts barely beat, oddly enough) proves that they aren't just lucky.
Can they keep it up?
Their schedule doesn't look too difficult, but they need to watch out for Houston.
4) Broncos
Good or lucky?
L-U-C-K LUCK LUCK LUCK! They looked good in two easy victories, but they needed a miracle to beat Cincinnati.
Can they keep it up?
I doubt it. Remember, they still have to play against San Diego twice.
5) Giants
Good or lucky?
They are a serious contender for the NFC East title.
Can they keep it up?
Well, the Cowboys have looked good too, and they will face off against them again later in the season. They also must try to beat Philadelphia twice and San Diego once.
6) Vikings
Good or lucky?
Lucky, of course. How often do you win on a Hail Mary pass?
Can they keep it up?
Don't think so. Hard division, and they play the whole AFC North.
7) Saints
Good or lucky?
They're pretty good. But remember, two of their wins have come against pretty bad teams: Detroit and Buffalo.
Can they keep it up?
They'll get many more wins this season. But expect a serious challenge when they battle the Jets next week.
Q. Conversely, we now have seven teams which have yet to win a game. I'd like to know a) are they truly bad or just unlucky, and b) do you think they can turn it around? (Again: no one-word answers.)
1) Dolphins
Bad or unlucky?
Fairly unlucky (they lost Chad Pennington for the season), and also pretty bad.
Can they turn it around?
It's getting worse and worse. There isn't much time left for Miami to turn things around.
2) Browns
Bad or unlucky?
Bad. When you bench a quarterback fans beg for you to start, you have to be pretty bad.
Can they turn it around?
Unlikely. They play the Steelers twice. Enough said.
3) Titans
Bad or unlucky?
Pretty unlucky. All three games of theirs have been lost by either one touchdown or one field goal.
Can they turn it around?
I think they can, but it won't be easy.
4) Chiefs
Bad or unlucky?
They're definitely bad. Unfortunately for me, a Raiders fan, it's considered to be pretty horrible to lose to Oakland.
Can they turn it around?
No. They need more time. Maybe next season.
5) Buccaneers
Bad or unlucky?
This question shouldn't even be asked when you're benching your starter for JOSH JOHNSON.
Can they turn it around?
I highly doubt it. Remember, they still must play every divisional opponent of theirs twice.
6) Rams
Bad or unlucky?
Bad, again. Personally, I think they're the worst team in the NFL. Something must be done about Marc Bulger.
Can they turn it around?
Not this year. But if the offseason goes well, and they get a good draft, who knows what might happen? More hope here than in Kansas City.
7) Panthers
Bad or unlucky?
Pretty bad. Jake Delhomme really needs to improve if they want to turn things around.
Can they turn it around?
Well, it won't be easy if they want to, because the quality of play they've been exhibiting will not help them through their games against Atlanta and New Orleans.
That's all for now, fans. Now comes the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Finally, a win for my fantasy team! 91-81. It's time to turn things around. I play the only winless team next week.
Q. I want to run down the seven undefeated teams and get your take on which ones are for real. The questions are a) are they a good team or just lucky, and b) can they keep it up? (Don't just give one-word answers; your faithful readers are yearning for some of your inimitably colorful sportswriting.)
1) Jets
Good or lucky?
Oh, they're good. Three important wins have come already.
Can they keep it up?
Well, when the Patriots meet the Jets again later in the season, expect Bill Belichick to have prepared them well. Still, I think they'll make the playoffs if they play the way they have in these first weeks.
2) Ravens
Good or lucky?
Well, Baltimore is somewhere in between. Two of their wins have come against incredibly weak teams - Kansas City and Cleveland - but they did beat San Diego. So, in other words, they're good, but their 3-0 start could be a fluke.
Can they keep it up?
Perhaps, but I don't know about them beating the Steelers, Vikings and Patriots, who all are on their schedule. They'll probably make the playoffs, but they won't be undefeated for much longer.
3) Colts
Good or lucky?
Everyone knows the Colts have talent after these three weeks! I think their blowout of Arizona, who were coming off of an utter destruction of Jacksonville (who the Colts barely beat, oddly enough) proves that they aren't just lucky.
Can they keep it up?
Their schedule doesn't look too difficult, but they need to watch out for Houston.
4) Broncos
Good or lucky?
L-U-C-K LUCK LUCK LUCK! They looked good in two easy victories, but they needed a miracle to beat Cincinnati.
Can they keep it up?
I doubt it. Remember, they still have to play against San Diego twice.
5) Giants
Good or lucky?
They are a serious contender for the NFC East title.
Can they keep it up?
Well, the Cowboys have looked good too, and they will face off against them again later in the season. They also must try to beat Philadelphia twice and San Diego once.
6) Vikings
Good or lucky?
Lucky, of course. How often do you win on a Hail Mary pass?
Can they keep it up?
Don't think so. Hard division, and they play the whole AFC North.
7) Saints
Good or lucky?
They're pretty good. But remember, two of their wins have come against pretty bad teams: Detroit and Buffalo.
Can they keep it up?
They'll get many more wins this season. But expect a serious challenge when they battle the Jets next week.
Q. Conversely, we now have seven teams which have yet to win a game. I'd like to know a) are they truly bad or just unlucky, and b) do you think they can turn it around? (Again: no one-word answers.)
1) Dolphins
Bad or unlucky?
Fairly unlucky (they lost Chad Pennington for the season), and also pretty bad.
Can they turn it around?
It's getting worse and worse. There isn't much time left for Miami to turn things around.
2) Browns
Bad or unlucky?
Bad. When you bench a quarterback fans beg for you to start, you have to be pretty bad.
Can they turn it around?
Unlikely. They play the Steelers twice. Enough said.
3) Titans
Bad or unlucky?
Pretty unlucky. All three games of theirs have been lost by either one touchdown or one field goal.
Can they turn it around?
I think they can, but it won't be easy.
4) Chiefs
Bad or unlucky?
They're definitely bad. Unfortunately for me, a Raiders fan, it's considered to be pretty horrible to lose to Oakland.
Can they turn it around?
No. They need more time. Maybe next season.
5) Buccaneers
Bad or unlucky?
This question shouldn't even be asked when you're benching your starter for JOSH JOHNSON.
Can they turn it around?
I highly doubt it. Remember, they still must play every divisional opponent of theirs twice.
6) Rams
Bad or unlucky?
Bad, again. Personally, I think they're the worst team in the NFL. Something must be done about Marc Bulger.
Can they turn it around?
Not this year. But if the offseason goes well, and they get a good draft, who knows what might happen? More hope here than in Kansas City.
7) Panthers
Bad or unlucky?
Pretty bad. Jake Delhomme really needs to improve if they want to turn things around.
Can they turn it around?
Well, it won't be easy if they want to, because the quality of play they've been exhibiting will not help them through their games against Atlanta and New Orleans.
That's all for now, fans. Now comes the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Finally, a win for my fantasy team! 91-81. It's time to turn things around. I play the only winless team next week.
Monday, September 21, 2009
NFL Week 2 Interview
Welcome back to Week 2 of the NFL season. Our 11-year-old football analyst is taking a break from Madden 10 to run down all the exciting action.
Q. Your fantasy team took a beating this week. What happened, and what moves do you plan to make to remedy this?
I'm trying to claim Mario Manningham off waivers! He had a great week.
Q. How big is was that Jets' victory over the Patriots? How much do you think Rex Ryan's trash-talk had to do with their win?
Well, the fans were all very enthusiastic, and that helped. But so were the players. Under Mangini, they couldn't win. Now they have under Rex Ryan.
Q. Sports Illustrated referred to my Falcons as "the quietest 2-0 team out there." Do you agree? What do you think their record will be after eight games?
They're not too quiet, I think the 49ers are more quiet... but the Falcons will be 5-3 after eight games.
Q. I felt bad for Aaron Rodgers -- the Pack really should've won that game against the Bengals, but they simply ran out of time. How would you assess this year's Packer team? Do they rank with the great Favre-led teams?
They're better than a lot of Favre-led teams, but they can't compare with the teams led by greats like Forrest Gregg, Bart Starr and Paul Hornung.
Q. Speaking of Fav-ray, he is having a singularly undistinguished season thus far. Is he doing anything right now that Tarvaris Jackson couldn't do?
Well, he's an experienced veteran who's won a Super Bowl and CAN help the team more than a young, inconsistent backup.
Q. Every year the Texans are a vogue-y pick to make the playoffs, and every year they disappoint. Could this be the season they finally make a run?
We'll have to wait and see. Against one great defense, they lost by seventeen. Against another, they scored in the thirties. What??
Q. The Cardinals finally looked a bit Super Bowlish this week, but the Steelers lost to Jay and His Cutlery. What do you think it means that both championship teams have a loss only two weeks into the season?
It means that the other teams are ready to challenge them. I don't see either team winning the Super Bowl this year.
Q. The Saints' offense is positively freakish. Who do you think will be the first team to stop them?
The Jets, in Week 4.
Q. Related note: Should Drew Brees Method have that birthmark removed?
I don't see why he should. It's not that bad.
Q. You must have been pleased to see your Raiders pick up a victory, even though JaMarcus is looking pretty lousy. Would you bench him, or stay the course?
Why would you bench a quarterback who's winning? (I need to bench him in Madden -- he threw so many picks that Champ Bailey set an NFL record for most picks by a single player in one game).
Q. I have no idea whether this year's Bills are any good. What do you think? Is Terrell Owens making any difference to this team?
Well, he's giving them an (in)consistent receiving option. He's definitely helping. They looked nice against the Buck-an-ears.
Q. I'm finding it harder to loathe the Ravens now that they finally have an offense, but Ray Lewis is still a criminal. Does it bother you when guys like him are held up as heroes?
Definitely not as much as it bothers you. He is a great player.
Q. Bwowns/Bwoncos was so bworing that ESPN didn't even bwother showing highlights. Are either of these teams going to be relevant this season?
They did show some highlights, just not good ones. Anyway, the Broncos are 2-0 (although one win was a fluke) so they will not be too relevant, but they'll be more relevant than Cwevewand.
Q. I love how the Giants spoiled the Cowboys' home opener in their vaunted superstadium. Have you joined me in liking Eli Bernstein and loathing America's Team?
Yes, I have the same feelings. I also somewhat dislike the Patriots.
Q. The Jaguars made a lot of noises this week about acquiring Tim Tebow. Is it too early for this team to be bailing on their season?
Who says they are? But assuming they are, they really shouldn't. They need to rebound from their loss to Arizona at home.
Q. Who's your favorite player now that Jerry Porter is (I think) out of the league?
I don't know...I like Derrick Burgess, but now he plays for the Patriots. I can't think of one.
Q. Finally, here's the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
1) The fantasy football game isn't a blowout anymore!
2) Expect to hear more than you'd ever want to about Michael Vick this week.
Q. Your fantasy team took a beating this week. What happened, and what moves do you plan to make to remedy this?
I'm trying to claim Mario Manningham off waivers! He had a great week.
Q. How big is was that Jets' victory over the Patriots? How much do you think Rex Ryan's trash-talk had to do with their win?
Well, the fans were all very enthusiastic, and that helped. But so were the players. Under Mangini, they couldn't win. Now they have under Rex Ryan.
Q. Sports Illustrated referred to my Falcons as "the quietest 2-0 team out there." Do you agree? What do you think their record will be after eight games?
They're not too quiet, I think the 49ers are more quiet... but the Falcons will be 5-3 after eight games.
Q. I felt bad for Aaron Rodgers -- the Pack really should've won that game against the Bengals, but they simply ran out of time. How would you assess this year's Packer team? Do they rank with the great Favre-led teams?
They're better than a lot of Favre-led teams, but they can't compare with the teams led by greats like Forrest Gregg, Bart Starr and Paul Hornung.
Q. Speaking of Fav-ray, he is having a singularly undistinguished season thus far. Is he doing anything right now that Tarvaris Jackson couldn't do?
Well, he's an experienced veteran who's won a Super Bowl and CAN help the team more than a young, inconsistent backup.
Q. Every year the Texans are a vogue-y pick to make the playoffs, and every year they disappoint. Could this be the season they finally make a run?
We'll have to wait and see. Against one great defense, they lost by seventeen. Against another, they scored in the thirties. What??
Q. The Cardinals finally looked a bit Super Bowlish this week, but the Steelers lost to Jay and His Cutlery. What do you think it means that both championship teams have a loss only two weeks into the season?
It means that the other teams are ready to challenge them. I don't see either team winning the Super Bowl this year.
Q. The Saints' offense is positively freakish. Who do you think will be the first team to stop them?
The Jets, in Week 4.
Q. Related note: Should Drew Brees Method have that birthmark removed?
I don't see why he should. It's not that bad.
Q. You must have been pleased to see your Raiders pick up a victory, even though JaMarcus is looking pretty lousy. Would you bench him, or stay the course?
Why would you bench a quarterback who's winning? (I need to bench him in Madden -- he threw so many picks that Champ Bailey set an NFL record for most picks by a single player in one game).
Q. I have no idea whether this year's Bills are any good. What do you think? Is Terrell Owens making any difference to this team?
Well, he's giving them an (in)consistent receiving option. He's definitely helping. They looked nice against the Buck-an-ears.
Q. I'm finding it harder to loathe the Ravens now that they finally have an offense, but Ray Lewis is still a criminal. Does it bother you when guys like him are held up as heroes?
Definitely not as much as it bothers you. He is a great player.
Q. Bwowns/Bwoncos was so bworing that ESPN didn't even bwother showing highlights. Are either of these teams going to be relevant this season?
They did show some highlights, just not good ones. Anyway, the Broncos are 2-0 (although one win was a fluke) so they will not be too relevant, but they'll be more relevant than Cwevewand.
Q. I love how the Giants spoiled the Cowboys' home opener in their vaunted superstadium. Have you joined me in liking Eli Bernstein and loathing America's Team?
Yes, I have the same feelings. I also somewhat dislike the Patriots.
Q. The Jaguars made a lot of noises this week about acquiring Tim Tebow. Is it too early for this team to be bailing on their season?
Who says they are? But assuming they are, they really shouldn't. They need to rebound from their loss to Arizona at home.
Q. Who's your favorite player now that Jerry Porter is (I think) out of the league?
I don't know...I like Derrick Burgess, but now he plays for the Patriots. I can't think of one.
Q. Finally, here's the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
1) The fantasy football game isn't a blowout anymore!
2) Expect to hear more than you'd ever want to about Michael Vick this week.
Monday, September 14, 2009
NFL Week 1 Interview - Kickoff Edition
Football is back! Hello, sports fans, and welcome to the first regular-season installment of Henry's weekly football blog. Our eleven-year-old sports analyst is here to discuss all the exciting and often surprising action in Week One of the NFL season.
Q. Since it's early in the year, we're going to begin with our customary game-by-game recap. How about your Raiders? Tough loss last night, but they gave San Diego everything they could handle. Were you surprised, after all the preseason shenanigans, that your team played so well?
That was great, but the only thing I've heard from analysts is about a "commitment to non-excellence" or something irritating like that.
Q. Philip Rivers -- like or dislike? I have to say, dude is starting to seriously bug me.
He cost my fantasy team -- and my favorite NFL team -- a victory!
Q. The Patriots/Bills game turned into an unexpected shootout. Based on this game, which of these teams is for real?
The Patriots are for real, but I doubt the Bills are. It's really demoralizing to allow two touchdowns in the last five minutes.
Q. Is Tom Brady back?
I'd say he is. Maybe he won't throw for 5000 yards, or 50 touchdowns, but he'll do a great job nonetheless.
Q. Dolphins/Falcons is always a controversial game in our household. What were the keys to the Falcons' victory?
That was a pretty bad game in general (I got stuck with Ronnie Brown on my fantasy team). But as for why the Falcons won, D-FENSE! D-FENSE! The Wildcat, along with the rest of Miami's offense, had no real effect.
Q. Baltimore and Kansas City punched and counterpunched, but in the end the Ravens rolled right over the Cheaps. Do you think the boring, ponderous Ravens have what it takes to make another boring, ponderous playoff run?
Unfortunately, it seems they do, but let's wait to judge them until after they play against the Chargers.
Q. Both Matt Ryan of the Falcons and Huge Joe Flacco of the Ravens had good opening games. Can these second-year QBs match their impressive rookie seasons?
I don't think so. After all, their rookie seasons were mainly impressive because they were both rookies.
Q. Eagles/Panthers. After a grim performance by Jake Delhomme and the loss of Donovan McNabb to injuries, both these teams are suddenly looking for starting quarterbacks. Where are they likely to find the answer?
Well, the answers have already been found: A.J. Feeley for Carolina (as a backup, not a starter; Josh McCown was injured) and Jeff Garcia for Philadelphia.
Q. Do you think Michael (woof) Vick will start for Philly in Week Three? Would you start him?
No, and no. You just signed a former starter who led you to the playoffs. Do you want to risk starting a former starter who was in jail for a whole season?? Or a young backup who has thrown no touchdowns and four picks in his career??
Q. I cringe even to type the name Brett Favre in discussing the Vikings' opener against the Browns. How (un)impressive was he in purple?
I didn't think he was particularly unimpressive. At least he didn't throw 26 interceptions.
Q. Colts/Jags was actually a game I didn't see. Anything worth mentioning in this matchup?
It was a nice game. It looks like Jacksonville will be a contender this season.
Q. Dallas did OK against the (how much does that corn cost?) Buccaneers. Are they better than expected, or are the Bucs worse?
No one really expected much of Byron who Left his sandWich on the counter, Escalade Williams, Derrick "Hospital" Ward and the Buccaneers. But they didn't do too badly. This was a great performance for the Cowboys, who don't seem to care about Terrell Owens leaving.
Q. It kills me to see the Lions lose and lose. When do you think they will finally pick up their first victory?
Well, they have a chance in Week 3 at home against Washington, but a slim one. If they lose there, and continue to lose, I'm confident they can beat St. Louis at Ford Field in Week 8. They also play against the Browns, who aren't too amazing.
Q. Can anyone stop the Saints and their videogame offense?
Eventually, Brees will be shut down by some elite defense (they do play against the Giants, and the Eagles are pretty good too).
Q. Jets/Texans: what did you think of Mark Sanchez in his first start?
As I'll elaborate on later, he did okay, but I think he'll get even better as the season progresses.
Q. The Texans are too boring to warrant a follow-up question. Agree?
This is a follow-up question!
Q. Talk about the spectacular final play of the Broncos/Bengals contest. Your thoughts?
Gus Johnson: "OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM!? STOKLEY!!!!"
Q. 49ers/Cardinals was another game I didn't see a second of. Were you surprised to see a Super Bowl team beat so handily?
Well, it's a little surprising, especially because it was the 49ers doing the winning.
Q. Do you think Michael Crabtree will ever sign with the Niners? What are your thoughts on his holdout?
He wasn't picked #7, he was picked #10. It's not that hard to realize, but he still hasn't figured it out.
Q. Rams/Seahawks wasn't even like a real game; however, I'd be interested in your thoughts on whether my beloved Seahawks will be any good this year.
Oh, I think they'll be much better than last year, even though Jim Mora is now their coach.
Q. What did you learn from the Redskins/Giants game? Any standout plays?
Osi Umenyiora came back from injury and had a great fumble return touchdown!
Q. Bears/Packers had a thrilling finish, and I have a new Player I Love to Hate in Jay and His Cutlery. What were your thoughts on his miserable, pouty performance?
It was really bad, but the Bears somehow stayed ahead until the end.
Q. How about Cal alum Aaron Rodgers for the Pack? He looked mighty impressive on that final drive. Is he the QB Green Bay fans have been waiting for?
Fantasy experts sure hope so. I think he'll do a great job, but he may not be the "next Bart Starr," as I've heard.
Q. And now a few general questions before we wrap up. Which of the eleven new coaches particularly impressed you on Opening Day?
Rex Ryan. The Jets defense held the Texans offense (ever heard of Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton?) to one total touchdown. One!
Q. How's your Fantasy Football team treating you?
Fine, I guess. I lost to the Fairport Losers 86-83; that was disappointing. Still, my opponent next week has to start Jake Delhomme. Woohoo!
Q. Any notable surprises or disappointments among this year's crop of rookies?
Mark Sanchez did a decent job, with 272 yards, one touchdown and one pick, but I believe he will actually have a better season than Matt Stafford, who was picked ahead of him. As for disappointments, Michael "I Should Have Been Picked Higher" Crabtree still hasn't signed with the Niners, and that's certainly bad, but San Francisco beat Super Bowl loser Arizona without him.
Q. And finally, here's the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
...
"OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM?! STOKLEY!!!!"
Q. Since it's early in the year, we're going to begin with our customary game-by-game recap. How about your Raiders? Tough loss last night, but they gave San Diego everything they could handle. Were you surprised, after all the preseason shenanigans, that your team played so well?
That was great, but the only thing I've heard from analysts is about a "commitment to non-excellence" or something irritating like that.
Q. Philip Rivers -- like or dislike? I have to say, dude is starting to seriously bug me.
He cost my fantasy team -- and my favorite NFL team -- a victory!
Q. The Patriots/Bills game turned into an unexpected shootout. Based on this game, which of these teams is for real?
The Patriots are for real, but I doubt the Bills are. It's really demoralizing to allow two touchdowns in the last five minutes.
Q. Is Tom Brady back?
I'd say he is. Maybe he won't throw for 5000 yards, or 50 touchdowns, but he'll do a great job nonetheless.
Q. Dolphins/Falcons is always a controversial game in our household. What were the keys to the Falcons' victory?
That was a pretty bad game in general (I got stuck with Ronnie Brown on my fantasy team). But as for why the Falcons won, D-FENSE! D-FENSE! The Wildcat, along with the rest of Miami's offense, had no real effect.
Q. Baltimore and Kansas City punched and counterpunched, but in the end the Ravens rolled right over the Cheaps. Do you think the boring, ponderous Ravens have what it takes to make another boring, ponderous playoff run?
Unfortunately, it seems they do, but let's wait to judge them until after they play against the Chargers.
Q. Both Matt Ryan of the Falcons and Huge Joe Flacco of the Ravens had good opening games. Can these second-year QBs match their impressive rookie seasons?
I don't think so. After all, their rookie seasons were mainly impressive because they were both rookies.
Q. Eagles/Panthers. After a grim performance by Jake Delhomme and the loss of Donovan McNabb to injuries, both these teams are suddenly looking for starting quarterbacks. Where are they likely to find the answer?
Well, the answers have already been found: A.J. Feeley for Carolina (as a backup, not a starter; Josh McCown was injured) and Jeff Garcia for Philadelphia.
Q. Do you think Michael (woof) Vick will start for Philly in Week Three? Would you start him?
No, and no. You just signed a former starter who led you to the playoffs. Do you want to risk starting a former starter who was in jail for a whole season?? Or a young backup who has thrown no touchdowns and four picks in his career??
Q. I cringe even to type the name Brett Favre in discussing the Vikings' opener against the Browns. How (un)impressive was he in purple?
I didn't think he was particularly unimpressive. At least he didn't throw 26 interceptions.
Q. Colts/Jags was actually a game I didn't see. Anything worth mentioning in this matchup?
It was a nice game. It looks like Jacksonville will be a contender this season.
Q. Dallas did OK against the (how much does that corn cost?) Buccaneers. Are they better than expected, or are the Bucs worse?
No one really expected much of Byron who Left his sandWich on the counter, Escalade Williams, Derrick "Hospital" Ward and the Buccaneers. But they didn't do too badly. This was a great performance for the Cowboys, who don't seem to care about Terrell Owens leaving.
Q. It kills me to see the Lions lose and lose. When do you think they will finally pick up their first victory?
Well, they have a chance in Week 3 at home against Washington, but a slim one. If they lose there, and continue to lose, I'm confident they can beat St. Louis at Ford Field in Week 8. They also play against the Browns, who aren't too amazing.
Q. Can anyone stop the Saints and their videogame offense?
Eventually, Brees will be shut down by some elite defense (they do play against the Giants, and the Eagles are pretty good too).
Q. Jets/Texans: what did you think of Mark Sanchez in his first start?
As I'll elaborate on later, he did okay, but I think he'll get even better as the season progresses.
Q. The Texans are too boring to warrant a follow-up question. Agree?
This is a follow-up question!
Q. Talk about the spectacular final play of the Broncos/Bengals contest. Your thoughts?
Gus Johnson: "OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM!? STOKLEY!!!!"
Q. 49ers/Cardinals was another game I didn't see a second of. Were you surprised to see a Super Bowl team beat so handily?
Well, it's a little surprising, especially because it was the 49ers doing the winning.
Q. Do you think Michael Crabtree will ever sign with the Niners? What are your thoughts on his holdout?
He wasn't picked #7, he was picked #10. It's not that hard to realize, but he still hasn't figured it out.
Q. Rams/Seahawks wasn't even like a real game; however, I'd be interested in your thoughts on whether my beloved Seahawks will be any good this year.
Oh, I think they'll be much better than last year, even though Jim Mora is now their coach.
Q. What did you learn from the Redskins/Giants game? Any standout plays?
Osi Umenyiora came back from injury and had a great fumble return touchdown!
Q. Bears/Packers had a thrilling finish, and I have a new Player I Love to Hate in Jay and His Cutlery. What were your thoughts on his miserable, pouty performance?
It was really bad, but the Bears somehow stayed ahead until the end.
Q. How about Cal alum Aaron Rodgers for the Pack? He looked mighty impressive on that final drive. Is he the QB Green Bay fans have been waiting for?
Fantasy experts sure hope so. I think he'll do a great job, but he may not be the "next Bart Starr," as I've heard.
Q. And now a few general questions before we wrap up. Which of the eleven new coaches particularly impressed you on Opening Day?
Rex Ryan. The Jets defense held the Texans offense (ever heard of Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton?) to one total touchdown. One!
Q. How's your Fantasy Football team treating you?
Fine, I guess. I lost to the Fairport Losers 86-83; that was disappointing. Still, my opponent next week has to start Jake Delhomme. Woohoo!
Q. Any notable surprises or disappointments among this year's crop of rookies?
Mark Sanchez did a decent job, with 272 yards, one touchdown and one pick, but I believe he will actually have a better season than Matt Stafford, who was picked ahead of him. As for disappointments, Michael "I Should Have Been Picked Higher" Crabtree still hasn't signed with the Niners, and that's certainly bad, but San Francisco beat Super Bowl loser Arizona without him.
Q. And finally, here's the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
...
"OH GOD! STOKLEY! DOWN THE SIDELINE! CAN HE CATCH HIM?! STOKLEY!!!!"
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Welcome Back! - Preseason Update #1
Hello again, sports fans! We hope you had a wonderful summer and are yearning, as we are, for some head-knocking, brain-busting football action. Our resident 11-year-old sports analyst is once again on the scene to give you his unique perspective on the upcoming NFL season.
Let's jump right in: What were the biggest offseason moves?
The signings of T.J. Houshmanzadeh, Laveranues Coles, Brian Dawkins, Brett Favre and others. Also, Jay Cutler's trade to the Bears completely changed what would have been the outcome of the season.
Which team do you think did best in the draft?
To tell the truth, I don't know too much about each team's draft picks, but the Lions gained three great rookies in Matthew Stafford, Brandon Pettigrew and Derreck Williams.
I see you are taking your maiden voyage into the land of Fantasy Football this season. I'm sure we have many readers out there who also participate. What made you want to get involved?
Well, I have a friend who has two fantasy football teams, so I decided it would be a good thing to try.
Tell us a little bit about your team, along with one or two strategy tips for the upcoming season.
I definitely did well at quarterback; I got Peyton Manning, Matt Ryan and Trent Edwards. I did okay at running back; I obtained Brian Westbrook, Ronnie Brown and Darren McFadden. Wide receiver is a weak spot; I have T.J. Houshmanzadeh, but my other four wideouts are Donnie Avery, Santana Moss, Antwaan Randle El and Kevin Curtis. Tight end is a strength; I have John Carlson and Dustin Keller. My kicker is standout Rob Bironas, and being a rookie, I drafted the Giants defense too early. At least I got them.
Now we're going to do something special. Henry's going to give you a one-sentence preview of each NFL team -- and the sentence must begin with the same letter as the name of the team. I defy any other analyst to do the same. Watch as Hen packs his inimitable brand of trenchant insight into one easily digestible nugget. Here we go!
BILLS
Breakout players on offense will not carry them past second in the division.
PATRIOTS
Promising team, but the running game is uneven.
DOLPHINS
David Lee instituted the wildcat as the quarterbacks coach last year, but will its previous success carry over?
JETS
Just as they got rid of Brett Favre, it seemed that they would be stuck with another mediocre quarterback in Kellen Clemens, but they traded up to get Mark Sanchez.
STEELERS
Super Bowl champs Pittsburgh have another chance to contend this year, thanks to their great defense.
RAVENS
Rex Ryan left, but analysts say that the defense will remain as good as it was last year (fantasy-wise, at least).
BROWNS
Brady Quinn will probably end up as the starter, and for good reason, because he outperformed Derek Anderson in preseason Week 3.
BENGALS
Bad play last season that caused them to fall to 0-8 may reappear in 2009.
RAIDERS
Ryan's brother Rob has left the Raiders for Cleveland, but hopefully their defense will still be able to make up for the ineffective offense.
BRONCOS
Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler have both been unhappy with the team lately, so they're not going to be better anytime soon.
CHIEFS
Coping with Kansas City's fall in the division is not an easy task for first-year coach Todd Haley and general manager Scott Pioli.
CHARGERS
Coach Norv Turner has the Chargers on the road to a good season.
COLTS
Count on the Colts to be good, but not as good they were in their Super Bowl season.
JAGUARS
Jack Del Rio has shifted the entire load of carries to Maurice Jones-Drew, and it's hard to decide if this is a good or a bad thing for him.
TEXANS
Texas yearns for the team's first playoff appearance.
TITANS
The Titans' rise last year will continue into this year, and I think if they don't slip up in the playoffs, they'll be able to contend for the Super Bowl.
EAGLES
Everyone has overanalyzed the signing of Michael Vick. Plus, you can't glean too much from how simple and average his performance was against Jacksonville in preseason Week 3.
GIANTS
Great performances last year caused me to inaccurately predict the Giants for the Super Bowl, and while I think they won't be as good as they were last year, they'll still be a contender.
REDSKINS
Returning even though the Redskins threatened to trade him in the offseason, Jason Campbell was a big part of the Redskins being insignificant last year.
COWBOYS
Can they ever come through in the playoffs -- or at least make them?
SEAHAWKS
Soon as Matt Hasselbeck starts looking good this season, he'll probably get injured again.
RAMS
Run away from the terrible team!
CARDINALS
Catching passes is not at all easy, but Larry Fitzgerald is sure making it look that way.
49ERS
42, the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything (including the playoffs) is something the 49ers could use right now.
PACKERS
Previously, Brett Favre was a Packer, but that seems so long ago now.
VIKINGS
Vanquish their opponents and they'll be headed for the playoffs.
BEARS
Before Jay Cutler was acquired, the Bears looked like they would have another terrible passing year; well, now they won't.
LIONS
Last year they went 0-16; can they be 16-0 (I doubt it)?
FALCONS
Formerly of the Chargers, Michael Turner is ready to make an impact.
BUCCANEERS
Byron Leftwich is the starter; look for the Buccaneers to have an average year.
SAINTS
Sean Payton is doing a great job as the head coach; everyone likes the Saints.
PANTHERS
Pointing out offensive problems is not an easy task.
[I should point out that Henry just recited that entire list of teams from memory.]
Okay, this is it: Go out on a limb right now and pick the two Super Bowl teams:
Although I was terrible last year, I'm going to pick the Patriots vs. the Giants.
We'll check in again next week. Now comes the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
I picked the Steelers, Super Bowl champs, to be a bust last year!
Let's jump right in: What were the biggest offseason moves?
The signings of T.J. Houshmanzadeh, Laveranues Coles, Brian Dawkins, Brett Favre and others. Also, Jay Cutler's trade to the Bears completely changed what would have been the outcome of the season.
Which team do you think did best in the draft?
To tell the truth, I don't know too much about each team's draft picks, but the Lions gained three great rookies in Matthew Stafford, Brandon Pettigrew and Derreck Williams.
I see you are taking your maiden voyage into the land of Fantasy Football this season. I'm sure we have many readers out there who also participate. What made you want to get involved?
Well, I have a friend who has two fantasy football teams, so I decided it would be a good thing to try.
Tell us a little bit about your team, along with one or two strategy tips for the upcoming season.
I definitely did well at quarterback; I got Peyton Manning, Matt Ryan and Trent Edwards. I did okay at running back; I obtained Brian Westbrook, Ronnie Brown and Darren McFadden. Wide receiver is a weak spot; I have T.J. Houshmanzadeh, but my other four wideouts are Donnie Avery, Santana Moss, Antwaan Randle El and Kevin Curtis. Tight end is a strength; I have John Carlson and Dustin Keller. My kicker is standout Rob Bironas, and being a rookie, I drafted the Giants defense too early. At least I got them.
Now we're going to do something special. Henry's going to give you a one-sentence preview of each NFL team -- and the sentence must begin with the same letter as the name of the team. I defy any other analyst to do the same. Watch as Hen packs his inimitable brand of trenchant insight into one easily digestible nugget. Here we go!
BILLS
Breakout players on offense will not carry them past second in the division.
PATRIOTS
Promising team, but the running game is uneven.
DOLPHINS
David Lee instituted the wildcat as the quarterbacks coach last year, but will its previous success carry over?
JETS
Just as they got rid of Brett Favre, it seemed that they would be stuck with another mediocre quarterback in Kellen Clemens, but they traded up to get Mark Sanchez.
STEELERS
Super Bowl champs Pittsburgh have another chance to contend this year, thanks to their great defense.
RAVENS
Rex Ryan left, but analysts say that the defense will remain as good as it was last year (fantasy-wise, at least).
BROWNS
Brady Quinn will probably end up as the starter, and for good reason, because he outperformed Derek Anderson in preseason Week 3.
BENGALS
Bad play last season that caused them to fall to 0-8 may reappear in 2009.
RAIDERS
Ryan's brother Rob has left the Raiders for Cleveland, but hopefully their defense will still be able to make up for the ineffective offense.
BRONCOS
Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler have both been unhappy with the team lately, so they're not going to be better anytime soon.
CHIEFS
Coping with Kansas City's fall in the division is not an easy task for first-year coach Todd Haley and general manager Scott Pioli.
CHARGERS
Coach Norv Turner has the Chargers on the road to a good season.
COLTS
Count on the Colts to be good, but not as good they were in their Super Bowl season.
JAGUARS
Jack Del Rio has shifted the entire load of carries to Maurice Jones-Drew, and it's hard to decide if this is a good or a bad thing for him.
TEXANS
Texas yearns for the team's first playoff appearance.
TITANS
The Titans' rise last year will continue into this year, and I think if they don't slip up in the playoffs, they'll be able to contend for the Super Bowl.
EAGLES
Everyone has overanalyzed the signing of Michael Vick. Plus, you can't glean too much from how simple and average his performance was against Jacksonville in preseason Week 3.
GIANTS
Great performances last year caused me to inaccurately predict the Giants for the Super Bowl, and while I think they won't be as good as they were last year, they'll still be a contender.
REDSKINS
Returning even though the Redskins threatened to trade him in the offseason, Jason Campbell was a big part of the Redskins being insignificant last year.
COWBOYS
Can they ever come through in the playoffs -- or at least make them?
SEAHAWKS
Soon as Matt Hasselbeck starts looking good this season, he'll probably get injured again.
RAMS
Run away from the terrible team!
CARDINALS
Catching passes is not at all easy, but Larry Fitzgerald is sure making it look that way.
49ERS
42, the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything (including the playoffs) is something the 49ers could use right now.
PACKERS
Previously, Brett Favre was a Packer, but that seems so long ago now.
VIKINGS
Vanquish their opponents and they'll be headed for the playoffs.
BEARS
Before Jay Cutler was acquired, the Bears looked like they would have another terrible passing year; well, now they won't.
LIONS
Last year they went 0-16; can they be 16-0 (I doubt it)?
FALCONS
Formerly of the Chargers, Michael Turner is ready to make an impact.
BUCCANEERS
Byron Leftwich is the starter; look for the Buccaneers to have an average year.
SAINTS
Sean Payton is doing a great job as the head coach; everyone likes the Saints.
PANTHERS
Pointing out offensive problems is not an easy task.
[I should point out that Henry just recited that entire list of teams from memory.]
Okay, this is it: Go out on a limb right now and pick the two Super Bowl teams:
Although I was terrible last year, I'm going to pick the Patriots vs. the Giants.
We'll check in again next week. Now comes the place where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
I picked the Steelers, Super Bowl champs, to be a bust last year!
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
NFL Final Week - Super Bowl Edition
And so this wondrous season draws to a close. Super Bowl Weekend also featured another big event -- Henry's birthday -- and so may I present to you, for the first time anywhere... our 11-year-old football analyst!
1. Monday morning, sports talk radio was full of a lot of "greatest of all time" chatter about Super Bowl 43. Do you agree it was the best ever? Why or why not? Can you name a Super Bowl that was better?
People also said this about last year's Super Bowl. That one was at least as good.
2. I think we need to pause for a moment of self-congratulation. You and I both correctly predicted the winner, and we got awfully close on the final score. I said 20-17 Steelers, and you said 27-17 Steelers. You said the game would hinge on "some deep passes by both teams, or key turnovers" -- it certainly did -- while I spotlighted "Ben Roethlisberger's ability to improvise," which was definitely a big factor in the Pittsburgh victory. But what were the big surprises of the game, from your point of view?
I was surprised by how close Arizona came to winning. I didn't expect that.
3. The Super Bowl MVP was Santonio Holmes. Was that the correct choice?
I'd say it was. James Harrison did well, but one great play isn't enough, at least in the eyes of the voters.
4. If Arizona had won, who would be their MVP?
Kurt Warner. He threw for 377 yards.
5. How would you evaluate the performance of each quarterback?
As I said, Kurt Warner did an amazing job. Ben Roethlisberger also did well. It may not show in his stats, but it showed in the game.
6. How about the running backs?
Eek. Edgerrin James had only 33 yards on nine carries. Willie Parker didn't do much better, with 19 carries for 53 yards.
7. Receiving corps?
This was the highlight of the game. Larry Fitzgerald had a 100-yard game, and Anquan Boldin had 84 yards. As for Pittsburgh, MVP Santonio Holmes played well.
8. Defense?
Hmm...they were pretty even. But I'd say Pittsburgh.
9. Who outcoached whom in Super Bowl 43?
Not sure here. But Pittsburgh was the winning team, so they might deserve recognition here...
10. I hate to ask this, 'cause it's kind of a hackneyed topic, but did you have a favorite commercial?
Careerbuilder.com's. "If you hate going to work, your coworkers disrespect you, you dream of going other places, you cry often, you dream of punching small animals and you sit next to this guy...it may be time."
11. Nobody predicted this championship matchup at the start of the season, but in the modern Cowher/Tomlin era, Pittsburgh has become one of the perennially good teams. Do you think they can make another run next season?
Perhaps. But I don't see them in the Super Bowl.
12. On the other had, as we've often talked about, the Cardinals' march to the Super Bowl was astounding and unprecedented. Will this be a championship-level team next year, or were they merely a one-season fluke?
Somewhere in between. They'll be pretty good, I don't see them reaching the Super Bowl, like I didn't with Pittsburgh.
13. How much does Kurt Warner have to do with the answer to that last question?
He's an important part of the team, but he won't be around much longer in the NFL.
14. How do you think Matt Leinart feels right now?
Mostly sad. His team lost and he didn't play.
15. One or two more questions, then we're done, I promise. What were your three favorite moments of the past season?
I don't know...I can't recall that much from this season that was notable.
16. I know your favorite player used to be Jerry Porter back when he played with the Raiders. Do you have a favorite now?
No, not really.
17. And finally: Did you enjoy doing a weekly blog this year? Would you like to do it again next year? And do you think you'll feel like doing a Pro Bowl or NFL Draft edition?
Yes and yes.
18. Now, for the last time in the 2008 NFL season, comes the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
There may also be occasional offseason updates.
1. Monday morning, sports talk radio was full of a lot of "greatest of all time" chatter about Super Bowl 43. Do you agree it was the best ever? Why or why not? Can you name a Super Bowl that was better?
People also said this about last year's Super Bowl. That one was at least as good.
2. I think we need to pause for a moment of self-congratulation. You and I both correctly predicted the winner, and we got awfully close on the final score. I said 20-17 Steelers, and you said 27-17 Steelers. You said the game would hinge on "some deep passes by both teams, or key turnovers" -- it certainly did -- while I spotlighted "Ben Roethlisberger's ability to improvise," which was definitely a big factor in the Pittsburgh victory. But what were the big surprises of the game, from your point of view?
I was surprised by how close Arizona came to winning. I didn't expect that.
3. The Super Bowl MVP was Santonio Holmes. Was that the correct choice?
I'd say it was. James Harrison did well, but one great play isn't enough, at least in the eyes of the voters.
4. If Arizona had won, who would be their MVP?
Kurt Warner. He threw for 377 yards.
5. How would you evaluate the performance of each quarterback?
As I said, Kurt Warner did an amazing job. Ben Roethlisberger also did well. It may not show in his stats, but it showed in the game.
6. How about the running backs?
Eek. Edgerrin James had only 33 yards on nine carries. Willie Parker didn't do much better, with 19 carries for 53 yards.
7. Receiving corps?
This was the highlight of the game. Larry Fitzgerald had a 100-yard game, and Anquan Boldin had 84 yards. As for Pittsburgh, MVP Santonio Holmes played well.
8. Defense?
Hmm...they were pretty even. But I'd say Pittsburgh.
9. Who outcoached whom in Super Bowl 43?
Not sure here. But Pittsburgh was the winning team, so they might deserve recognition here...
10. I hate to ask this, 'cause it's kind of a hackneyed topic, but did you have a favorite commercial?
Careerbuilder.com's. "If you hate going to work, your coworkers disrespect you, you dream of going other places, you cry often, you dream of punching small animals and you sit next to this guy...it may be time."
11. Nobody predicted this championship matchup at the start of the season, but in the modern Cowher/Tomlin era, Pittsburgh has become one of the perennially good teams. Do you think they can make another run next season?
Perhaps. But I don't see them in the Super Bowl.
12. On the other had, as we've often talked about, the Cardinals' march to the Super Bowl was astounding and unprecedented. Will this be a championship-level team next year, or were they merely a one-season fluke?
Somewhere in between. They'll be pretty good, I don't see them reaching the Super Bowl, like I didn't with Pittsburgh.
13. How much does Kurt Warner have to do with the answer to that last question?
He's an important part of the team, but he won't be around much longer in the NFL.
14. How do you think Matt Leinart feels right now?
Mostly sad. His team lost and he didn't play.
15. One or two more questions, then we're done, I promise. What were your three favorite moments of the past season?
I don't know...I can't recall that much from this season that was notable.
16. I know your favorite player used to be Jerry Porter back when he played with the Raiders. Do you have a favorite now?
No, not really.
17. And finally: Did you enjoy doing a weekly blog this year? Would you like to do it again next year? And do you think you'll feel like doing a Pro Bowl or NFL Draft edition?
Yes and yes.
18. Now, for the last time in the 2008 NFL season, comes the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
There may also be occasional offseason updates.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
NFL Week 20.5 Interview - Turn The Tables Edition!
Well, I (Henry) usually answer the questions. But on this Sunday, I will be asking the questions, and our 45-year-old football analyst will answer them.
1. What made you want to do this "Turn The Tables Edition"?
Sometimes I feel like I'm driving the discourse with my interview questions, so I wanted to give Henry the chance to set the agenda. Plus I'm always intrigued to see what emerges from The Mind of Hen.
2. As far as I know, Oakland hasn't hired a coach yet. But Tom Cable is the frontrunner. Is he right for the job?
Honestly, that job is so fraught with peril that if Tom Cable wants it, he should get it. You'll note that for all the recent coaching changes, not one of the top-tier candidates chose to meet with the Raiders. Because really, who wants to work for Crazy Al Davis?
3. On another topic, some think this Super Bowl is going to be one of the worst/lowest rated ever. Do you agree?
I do. I think that outside of Greater Phoenix, no one cares a whit for the Arizona Cardinals, no matter how inspiring The Kurt Warner Story is. We did that story ten years ago. The Steelers are always a good draw, but Pittsburgh isn't really a major market, and I'm sure the embittered Eagles fans on the other side of the state won't be watching.
It could be a good game, though, for the fourteen people who choose to tune in.
4. What do you think are the strengths of the Cardinals and Steelers?
I think the Steelers' primary strength is Ben Roethlisberger's ability to improvise. They have a lot of talent on the offensive side, and of course their defense has always been tough. But how many times this season did we see Big Ben make something out of nothing?
On the Cardinals' side of the ball, this team has confounded me again and again, because beyond Larry Fitzgerald they don't really seem to have Super-Bowl-caliber players. So I'd say their greatest strength is that people (like me) routinely underestimate them.
5. I didn't think the Cardinals would get this far when the playoff schedules were announced. Did you?
Not in a million, billion years. I think I've mentioned that Cris Collinsworth called them something like "the worst playoff team ever," and I was inclined to agree. Nobody, including me, saw them getting this far. And now Sports Illustrated is picking them to win!
6. The Steelers were under the radar for most of the season. They obtained a first-round bye, and beat the Chargers and Ravens, two strong teams. Did you notice how well they were doing?
Kind of. They were sort of bubbling under, while teams like the Falcons (with an exciting rookie) and Titans (ditto) and Ravens (ditto ditto) were getting all the press. I think the Steelers have become one of those teams like the Colts that we just expect to be good.
7. After the Cardinals did terribly at the end of the regular season, I'm sure you didn't think they would get to the Super Bowl. Why did you think that?
Bad logo. Seriously. I have never liked this team because of their logo. It is lame, and looks particularly bad against those white helmets. Thank goodness the Ravens aren't in the Super Bowl, because they're the only team in the league whose logo is worse.
By the way, good logos include the Cowboys (best in the league), Steelers, Chargers, Rams/Vikings and Browns (I'm not kidding).
8. Which quarterback will play better?
You know, in spite of what I said above, I might have to go with Kurt Warner. As exciting as Roethlisberger can be, he can also be streaky, while Warner tends to play with a veteran's steady precision.
9. Running back?
Willie Parker. I think Tim Hightower will succumb to rookie-in-the-Super-Bowl freakout and finish with like 32 yards.
10. Receiving corps?
Is Hines Ward playing? Is J.J. Arrington? I think this could be a wash. Weirdly, it might depend on whether Anquan Boldin gets over his bizarre anger issues; if so, that could give the Cards the edge.
11. Who do you think will win?
Just to make it interesting, I'm going to pick the Steelers. But I think it will be relatively low-scoring and fairly close.
12. And what do you think the score will be?
20-17 Steelers.
Bonus questions:
13. Do you approve of the 2010 Pro Bowl being played outside of Honolulu?
No, I don't. Why mess with tradition? It's fun to have the game in Hawaii. We see enough games in Miami.
14. And what about its being played before the Super Bowl?
Definitely no! Don't these people understand the psychology of NFL fans? We like that the Pro Bowl is a bonus game after the Super Bowl is over. Now the big game is the end of the entire season, and that is no good.
15. And now we're at the period where Tow gets to type whatever he wants.
I have a new appreciation for how hard Henry works on these weekly blogs. There's a lot more typing for the interviewee!
1. What made you want to do this "Turn The Tables Edition"?
Sometimes I feel like I'm driving the discourse with my interview questions, so I wanted to give Henry the chance to set the agenda. Plus I'm always intrigued to see what emerges from The Mind of Hen.
2. As far as I know, Oakland hasn't hired a coach yet. But Tom Cable is the frontrunner. Is he right for the job?
Honestly, that job is so fraught with peril that if Tom Cable wants it, he should get it. You'll note that for all the recent coaching changes, not one of the top-tier candidates chose to meet with the Raiders. Because really, who wants to work for Crazy Al Davis?
3. On another topic, some think this Super Bowl is going to be one of the worst/lowest rated ever. Do you agree?
I do. I think that outside of Greater Phoenix, no one cares a whit for the Arizona Cardinals, no matter how inspiring The Kurt Warner Story is. We did that story ten years ago. The Steelers are always a good draw, but Pittsburgh isn't really a major market, and I'm sure the embittered Eagles fans on the other side of the state won't be watching.
It could be a good game, though, for the fourteen people who choose to tune in.
4. What do you think are the strengths of the Cardinals and Steelers?
I think the Steelers' primary strength is Ben Roethlisberger's ability to improvise. They have a lot of talent on the offensive side, and of course their defense has always been tough. But how many times this season did we see Big Ben make something out of nothing?
On the Cardinals' side of the ball, this team has confounded me again and again, because beyond Larry Fitzgerald they don't really seem to have Super-Bowl-caliber players. So I'd say their greatest strength is that people (like me) routinely underestimate them.
5. I didn't think the Cardinals would get this far when the playoff schedules were announced. Did you?
Not in a million, billion years. I think I've mentioned that Cris Collinsworth called them something like "the worst playoff team ever," and I was inclined to agree. Nobody, including me, saw them getting this far. And now Sports Illustrated is picking them to win!
6. The Steelers were under the radar for most of the season. They obtained a first-round bye, and beat the Chargers and Ravens, two strong teams. Did you notice how well they were doing?
Kind of. They were sort of bubbling under, while teams like the Falcons (with an exciting rookie) and Titans (ditto) and Ravens (ditto ditto) were getting all the press. I think the Steelers have become one of those teams like the Colts that we just expect to be good.
7. After the Cardinals did terribly at the end of the regular season, I'm sure you didn't think they would get to the Super Bowl. Why did you think that?
Bad logo. Seriously. I have never liked this team because of their logo. It is lame, and looks particularly bad against those white helmets. Thank goodness the Ravens aren't in the Super Bowl, because they're the only team in the league whose logo is worse.
By the way, good logos include the Cowboys (best in the league), Steelers, Chargers, Rams/Vikings and Browns (I'm not kidding).
8. Which quarterback will play better?
You know, in spite of what I said above, I might have to go with Kurt Warner. As exciting as Roethlisberger can be, he can also be streaky, while Warner tends to play with a veteran's steady precision.
9. Running back?
Willie Parker. I think Tim Hightower will succumb to rookie-in-the-Super-Bowl freakout and finish with like 32 yards.
10. Receiving corps?
Is Hines Ward playing? Is J.J. Arrington? I think this could be a wash. Weirdly, it might depend on whether Anquan Boldin gets over his bizarre anger issues; if so, that could give the Cards the edge.
11. Who do you think will win?
Just to make it interesting, I'm going to pick the Steelers. But I think it will be relatively low-scoring and fairly close.
12. And what do you think the score will be?
20-17 Steelers.
Bonus questions:
13. Do you approve of the 2010 Pro Bowl being played outside of Honolulu?
No, I don't. Why mess with tradition? It's fun to have the game in Hawaii. We see enough games in Miami.
14. And what about its being played before the Super Bowl?
Definitely no! Don't these people understand the psychology of NFL fans? We like that the Pro Bowl is a bonus game after the Super Bowl is over. Now the big game is the end of the entire season, and that is no good.
15. And now we're at the period where Tow gets to type whatever he wants.
I have a new appreciation for how hard Henry works on these weekly blogs. There's a lot more typing for the interviewee!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
NFL Week 20 - Championship Edition
Welcome back, folks, to the penultimate edition of our weekly football blog. Our resident 10-year-old analyst, armed with a rubber football he received as a birthday party favor this afternoon, is ready with his usual trenchant analysis.
1. Let's start with the blander of the two games, the late Baltimore/Pittsburgh contest. Was this one more lopsided than the 23-14 final would indicate?
I'd say it was. Joe Flacco played a terrible game.
2. I have to say, I expected a better game out of Huge Joe Flacco. Is this another case of a rookie QB freezing up under playoff pressure?
Either that, or the more likely answer, him being stifled by the Steelers defense.
3. What were the other keys to the Pittsburgh victory?
Honestly, they didn't do too well otherwise. But the passing game was pretty good.
4. Now, on to the early game, which actually looked like a bit of a contest in the second half. Arizona came out and dominated, just as they did last week, but Philly caught 'em in the second half and almost ran away with the game. Does this bode ill for the Cards' chances in the Super Bowl?
Especially against Pittsburgh, I'd say it does.
5. I'm still sort of at a loss as to why this Cardinal team is in the big game. Name three things they've got going for them.
Hmm...their running game, their experience on offense and their defense.
6. And over on the Steelers side, what are the three main things they have going for them?
Their defense, their receivers and their quarterback's ability to improvise.
7. Two experienced QBs will be facing off in two weeks. Which veteran has the edge?
You can't really call Ben Roethlisberger a veteran. He was drafted in '04. But this is a tough question. I'd say they're rather even, but will definitely throw some interceptions.
8. Speaking of edge (Edgerrin James left! Edgerrin James right! Edgerrin James up the middle!), the game will pit two teams with old-school, grind-it-out running attacks. Who's got the edge in this department, and why?
The Cardinals have the advantage, because the Steelers aren't actually built like that.
9. How about the passing game? Which team has more firepower in their receiving corps, and who are their stars?
I'd say Arizona, but only by a little. They have Larry Fitzgerald and some other consistent receivers. Pittsburgh has injured Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes and some other consistent receivers.
10. And both teams have made it to the big dance on the strength of their defenses. Which one's tougher, and who are the standout players?
The Steelers. Troy Polamalu and some other lesser-known players anchor the defense.
11. So here we are with the Super Bowl nobody predicted -- except you, who told us last week that this was the way it was going to shake out. Are you still picking the Steelers to emerge victorious?
Yes.
12. Let's have a final score forecast.
Let's see...27-17 Pittsburgh.
13. So is this a blowout, or a game that comes down to a couple of critical plays?
The latter.
14. Turn on your psychic powers and tell us what one of those plays might be.
Some deep passes by both teams, or key turnovers.
15. Thanks, Hen. We'll look forward to your Super Bowl coverage in two weeks, at which time you will be an 11-year-old football analyst. Now comes the point where you get to type whatever you want.
"We'll look forward to your Super Bowl coverage in two weeks, at which time you will be an 11-year-old football analyst."
Barely. By one day.
1. Let's start with the blander of the two games, the late Baltimore/Pittsburgh contest. Was this one more lopsided than the 23-14 final would indicate?
I'd say it was. Joe Flacco played a terrible game.
2. I have to say, I expected a better game out of Huge Joe Flacco. Is this another case of a rookie QB freezing up under playoff pressure?
Either that, or the more likely answer, him being stifled by the Steelers defense.
3. What were the other keys to the Pittsburgh victory?
Honestly, they didn't do too well otherwise. But the passing game was pretty good.
4. Now, on to the early game, which actually looked like a bit of a contest in the second half. Arizona came out and dominated, just as they did last week, but Philly caught 'em in the second half and almost ran away with the game. Does this bode ill for the Cards' chances in the Super Bowl?
Especially against Pittsburgh, I'd say it does.
5. I'm still sort of at a loss as to why this Cardinal team is in the big game. Name three things they've got going for them.
Hmm...their running game, their experience on offense and their defense.
6. And over on the Steelers side, what are the three main things they have going for them?
Their defense, their receivers and their quarterback's ability to improvise.
7. Two experienced QBs will be facing off in two weeks. Which veteran has the edge?
You can't really call Ben Roethlisberger a veteran. He was drafted in '04. But this is a tough question. I'd say they're rather even, but will definitely throw some interceptions.
8. Speaking of edge (Edgerrin James left! Edgerrin James right! Edgerrin James up the middle!), the game will pit two teams with old-school, grind-it-out running attacks. Who's got the edge in this department, and why?
The Cardinals have the advantage, because the Steelers aren't actually built like that.
9. How about the passing game? Which team has more firepower in their receiving corps, and who are their stars?
I'd say Arizona, but only by a little. They have Larry Fitzgerald and some other consistent receivers. Pittsburgh has injured Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes and some other consistent receivers.
10. And both teams have made it to the big dance on the strength of their defenses. Which one's tougher, and who are the standout players?
The Steelers. Troy Polamalu and some other lesser-known players anchor the defense.
11. So here we are with the Super Bowl nobody predicted -- except you, who told us last week that this was the way it was going to shake out. Are you still picking the Steelers to emerge victorious?
Yes.
12. Let's have a final score forecast.
Let's see...27-17 Pittsburgh.
13. So is this a blowout, or a game that comes down to a couple of critical plays?
The latter.
14. Turn on your psychic powers and tell us what one of those plays might be.
Some deep passes by both teams, or key turnovers.
15. Thanks, Hen. We'll look forward to your Super Bowl coverage in two weeks, at which time you will be an 11-year-old football analyst. Now comes the point where you get to type whatever you want.
"We'll look forward to your Super Bowl coverage in two weeks, at which time you will be an 11-year-old football analyst."
Barely. By one day.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
NFL Week 19 - Divisional Playoff Weekend
Welcome! It's back-to-school eve, and the end of an insane weekend of stunning upsets in the NFL. Let's check in with our ten-year-old sports analyst and get his take on all the exciting action.
1. For starters, I'm sure glad my office football pool was on hiatus this week, 'cause I would have blown all four games. Let's start with the big shocker, the continuing horror that is the Arizona Cardinals. They -- an 8-8 team with a miserable, non-threatening logo -- are going to host the NFC Championship game! Talk about three keys to this team's success.
• Their offense got them past Atlanta.
• Their defense intercepted Jake Delhomme four times.
• Edgerrin James and Tim Hightower both played well.
2. I know Jake Delhomme had a lousy birthday, but were his five turnovers the only problem with the Panthers on Saturday?
The Cardinals completely shut down Carolina. DeAngelo Williams was held to 63 yards, and 31 of them were on one carry.
3. On to the equally surprising Ravens, a leaden, plodding team that once again finds themselves a step from the Super Bowl. This time around, at least, they seem to have an actual quarterback. Is Huge Joe Flacco the main strength of this club, or does it lie elsewhere?
Their defense is definitely their strength, especially the secondary and linebackers.
4. I am sincerely stunned to see the Tennessee Titans out of it. Will they be competitive next year? And will the aging but still plucky Kerry Collins be their starter, or do they need to get on with the Vince Young Era?
They may be competitive next year, but most likely not with Vince Young. He could, however, improve in training camp.
5. On the other hand, I was really not that surprised to see the Eagles run all over the Giants. The Eagles seem to have tons of momentum right now. What's fueling their astonishing resurgence?
It's hard to tell, but DeSean Jackson and Brian Westbrook are helping a lot.
6. Everyone talks about the moment Andy Reid benched Donovan McNabb as the turning point of the season. Do you agree?
How is that the turning point? It was bad for the team.
7. It was a bad day for the Giants' Eli Manning, who reverted to his old Eli Bernstein ways with a particularly unmemorable performance. Will this team be competitive next season, or is this the start of a fall to mediocrity?
They'll definitely be competitive, but we don't know how competitive -- the last two seasons have been polar opposites.
8. Finally, Pittsburgh-San Diego. The Chargers seemed like another of those teams with a lot of momentum, but Pittsburgh handled them easily in the snow. What were the keys to the Steelers' victory?
San Diego was pretty competitive, but Ben Roethlisberger recovered very well.
9. Guess you're going to have to revise that prediction of a Giants/Titans/Panthers Super Bowl now that all of those teams have fallen. Give us your new pick for the matchup, and explain why.
Er... I'd say Steelers vs. Cardinals, going against your picks. The Cardinals have momentum, and Pittsburgh can overpower Baltimore.
10. And who's going to win that Super Bowl?
THE STEEL CURTAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11. Random question (and I don't think I've already asked you this): Which city should get the next new NFL franchise?
Los Angeles.
12. We'll see you next week for the championship round, folks. Now comes the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Super Bowl possibilities: (1 for impossible, 10 for certain)
Cardinals vs. Steelers (8/10)
Eagles vs. Steelers (7.5/10)
Cardinals vs. Ravens (7/10)
Ravens vs. Eagles (7.5/10)
All likely!
1. For starters, I'm sure glad my office football pool was on hiatus this week, 'cause I would have blown all four games. Let's start with the big shocker, the continuing horror that is the Arizona Cardinals. They -- an 8-8 team with a miserable, non-threatening logo -- are going to host the NFC Championship game! Talk about three keys to this team's success.
• Their offense got them past Atlanta.
• Their defense intercepted Jake Delhomme four times.
• Edgerrin James and Tim Hightower both played well.
2. I know Jake Delhomme had a lousy birthday, but were his five turnovers the only problem with the Panthers on Saturday?
The Cardinals completely shut down Carolina. DeAngelo Williams was held to 63 yards, and 31 of them were on one carry.
3. On to the equally surprising Ravens, a leaden, plodding team that once again finds themselves a step from the Super Bowl. This time around, at least, they seem to have an actual quarterback. Is Huge Joe Flacco the main strength of this club, or does it lie elsewhere?
Their defense is definitely their strength, especially the secondary and linebackers.
4. I am sincerely stunned to see the Tennessee Titans out of it. Will they be competitive next year? And will the aging but still plucky Kerry Collins be their starter, or do they need to get on with the Vince Young Era?
They may be competitive next year, but most likely not with Vince Young. He could, however, improve in training camp.
5. On the other hand, I was really not that surprised to see the Eagles run all over the Giants. The Eagles seem to have tons of momentum right now. What's fueling their astonishing resurgence?
It's hard to tell, but DeSean Jackson and Brian Westbrook are helping a lot.
6. Everyone talks about the moment Andy Reid benched Donovan McNabb as the turning point of the season. Do you agree?
How is that the turning point? It was bad for the team.
7. It was a bad day for the Giants' Eli Manning, who reverted to his old Eli Bernstein ways with a particularly unmemorable performance. Will this team be competitive next season, or is this the start of a fall to mediocrity?
They'll definitely be competitive, but we don't know how competitive -- the last two seasons have been polar opposites.
8. Finally, Pittsburgh-San Diego. The Chargers seemed like another of those teams with a lot of momentum, but Pittsburgh handled them easily in the snow. What were the keys to the Steelers' victory?
San Diego was pretty competitive, but Ben Roethlisberger recovered very well.
9. Guess you're going to have to revise that prediction of a Giants/Titans/Panthers Super Bowl now that all of those teams have fallen. Give us your new pick for the matchup, and explain why.
Er... I'd say Steelers vs. Cardinals, going against your picks. The Cardinals have momentum, and Pittsburgh can overpower Baltimore.
10. And who's going to win that Super Bowl?
THE STEEL CURTAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11. Random question (and I don't think I've already asked you this): Which city should get the next new NFL franchise?
Los Angeles.
12. We'll see you next week for the championship round, folks. Now comes the point where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
Super Bowl possibilities: (1 for impossible, 10 for certain)
Cardinals vs. Steelers (8/10)
Eagles vs. Steelers (7.5/10)
Cardinals vs. Ravens (7/10)
Ravens vs. Eagles (7.5/10)
All likely!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
NFL Week 18 - Wild Card Weekend - Our 100th Post!
Welcome back! Here's hoping you all had a nice holiday. As for us... well, we almost did. Last summer I placed my customary bets in Las Vegas -- three $20 bets on the Seahawks, Dolphins and Raiders (our family's favorite teams) to win the Super Bowl. And at the time, that Dolphins bet was paying 500 to 1. So when the Dolphins utterly failed to show up against the Ravens today, that cost yours truly a cool $1,000. Sigh.
1. Let's start with that game. What happened to the steady Dolphins we saw throughout the season? Chad Pennington throwing interceptions right and left, the defense looking utterly porous... Was it just a case of playoff inexperience?
No. They just became demoralized after the thirteen unanswered points Baltimore scored on them.
2. What's ahead for the Dolphins? Do you think they'll be equally good next season?
I'm not sure. Playoff teams that aren't traditionally there tend to be flukey.
3. As for the Ravens, because they're so BORING, it's easy to forget that this is a team that won the Super Bowl a few years back. They always seem to come on strong toward the end of the season. Do these guys have what it takes to go deep into the playoffs?
No, because even if they beat Tennessee in the divisional round, the winner of Chargers-Steelers can beat them.
4. On to the Falcons... double sigh... yet another talented young team which utterly collapsed. Was this, again, a case of Matt Ryan's playoff inexperience catching up with him?
That, and the fact that the Arizona defense played incredibly well.
5. I think a lot of us can't take the Cardinals seriously because of that stupid logo, but they sure looked steady throughout that game. Especially the resurgent Kurt Warner. Do you think these guys have a chance against the Panthers?
It all depends on their run defense. Carolina could easily overwhelm them.
6. We didn't watch a lot of the Eagles/Vikings game, but it certainly didn't look like one for the ages. The Eagles have rebounded from a wobbly finish to a solid playoff appearance. What do you think of their chances against the Giants?
I think they're small. Not too small, but the Giants will be able to rebound from their loss at the end of the regular season.
7. Obviously the best game of the weekend was Colts/Chargers. That enraged look on Peyton Manning's face as he walked off the field, never having had a chance to lead his team in overtime... it was chilling. Is it time once again to talk about how Peyton, for all his talent, rarely succeeds in winning the Big One?
No. He's proven himself before, and he doesn't need to do it again.
8. What player has impressed you the most in this postseason thus far?
Edgerrin James. After his complaining about being forced to block, he had a great game against Atlanta.
9. How about coach?
Andy Reid. His Eagles played a great game against Minnesota.
10. Now you have a chance to forecast the Super Bowl matchup. Who are you picking?
Giants/Panthers vs. Titans.
11. And who's the winner?
Giants/Panthers.
12. Bonus question: I used to love "five dollar foot long," but now I hate it. Why do you think that is?
"FIVE!" "FIVE DOLLAR!" "FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LONG!"
13. Now comes the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
SUBWAY! EAT FRESH!
1. Let's start with that game. What happened to the steady Dolphins we saw throughout the season? Chad Pennington throwing interceptions right and left, the defense looking utterly porous... Was it just a case of playoff inexperience?
No. They just became demoralized after the thirteen unanswered points Baltimore scored on them.
2. What's ahead for the Dolphins? Do you think they'll be equally good next season?
I'm not sure. Playoff teams that aren't traditionally there tend to be flukey.
3. As for the Ravens, because they're so BORING, it's easy to forget that this is a team that won the Super Bowl a few years back. They always seem to come on strong toward the end of the season. Do these guys have what it takes to go deep into the playoffs?
No, because even if they beat Tennessee in the divisional round, the winner of Chargers-Steelers can beat them.
4. On to the Falcons... double sigh... yet another talented young team which utterly collapsed. Was this, again, a case of Matt Ryan's playoff inexperience catching up with him?
That, and the fact that the Arizona defense played incredibly well.
5. I think a lot of us can't take the Cardinals seriously because of that stupid logo, but they sure looked steady throughout that game. Especially the resurgent Kurt Warner. Do you think these guys have a chance against the Panthers?
It all depends on their run defense. Carolina could easily overwhelm them.
6. We didn't watch a lot of the Eagles/Vikings game, but it certainly didn't look like one for the ages. The Eagles have rebounded from a wobbly finish to a solid playoff appearance. What do you think of their chances against the Giants?
I think they're small. Not too small, but the Giants will be able to rebound from their loss at the end of the regular season.
7. Obviously the best game of the weekend was Colts/Chargers. That enraged look on Peyton Manning's face as he walked off the field, never having had a chance to lead his team in overtime... it was chilling. Is it time once again to talk about how Peyton, for all his talent, rarely succeeds in winning the Big One?
No. He's proven himself before, and he doesn't need to do it again.
8. What player has impressed you the most in this postseason thus far?
Edgerrin James. After his complaining about being forced to block, he had a great game against Atlanta.
9. How about coach?
Andy Reid. His Eagles played a great game against Minnesota.
10. Now you have a chance to forecast the Super Bowl matchup. Who are you picking?
Giants/Panthers vs. Titans.
11. And who's the winner?
Giants/Panthers.
12. Bonus question: I used to love "five dollar foot long," but now I hate it. Why do you think that is?
"FIVE!" "FIVE DOLLAR!" "FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LONG!"
13. Now comes the part where Hen gets to type whatever he wants.
SUBWAY! EAT FRESH!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
